there is nothing called as being self-less

yes there is nothing called as self less. It just dawned upon me. when i , you, or anyone on this earth says that i have'nt done this for myself but someone else, I have sacrificed and all that, does not hold true.

The logic goes this way - for example, I help a person cross the road. why? because somewhere in my second standard, my teacher has told me, it is a good thing to help people cross the road. (who cannot themselves). you will feel good. I feel good.

I feel good when I help a specially able person to do something. i take part in some charity activity at least once in my life.I feel good. I feel good when I look after my little child. Off course i dont expect her to do the same for me or give me something in return. I am already getting what i want. satisfaction deep within.

So what if I don't earn anything materialistically? I earn a lot. I earn the self - satisfaction which is a higher need as per the Maslow's hierarchy of human needs. Today my basic need is satisfied, i yearn to do something meaningful in life. Then I want to do something without any material gain.
But this gain much much more than any material gain ever. I dont feel the need to be paid back. I feel good. My soul is satisfied.

reflection? thank you God!

it is so hard to believe. how can there be a living reflection of a human being. I had never given this a thought. today when I see my own daughter who is just like me (in looks) I don't know about the behavior as she is too young for it right now. just a few days old.

I see those little twinkling eyes and feel so very good. I forget all the pain,everything around. It is almost like I am seeing my own childhood with my own eyes. would it possible otherwise? It is a very satisfying experience. her little twinkling eyes are like two small black bulbs that shine with that new and fresh look.

She sleeps most of the time. but it is a so engaging to see her sleeping as well. This is truly like a miracle that God has given me and I thank God for it..Just ask God for more strength and patience for this new role...

do we like someone because someone likes us?

I met my professor just yesterday who is around 90 year old. I used to be his favorite student in class. to the extent of being the envy of other students in the class.I was favorite due to my sincerity. And i also like the professor a lot. In spite of being ninety, he never forgets me, my name when i call him. I had called him after around two whole years. to my surprise, he remembers me very well. while he has long forgotten my hubby who was my classmate for the very same class.Needless to say, i also like the professor a lot and take pride in telling everyone that I was his favorite student.
It just came to my mind, that liking for a specific person, is it inter-linked? is it that we like someone, because that person likes us?
Even in school, we tend to like the subjects of the teachers whom we tend to like personally. We tend to not the like the subject of a teacher who is very rude to us, not very kind and all that, at least when we are kids. then off course we eventually understand, that every subject is important and all that.. join the rat race irrespective of whatever.
sometimes in my mind, i think, is this phenomenon only for me for everyone.. do you feel the same.?..

alone/ solitude

I sometimes wonder do we really make a very big picture of being alone... or is it easy said than done for me right now?

i very much felt my dad will be left alone after my mom's death. but then he is fine. I felt will I be alone if I went far away for studies, but I am fine. In fact I found new friends.
I sometimes even feel will i miss being friends as in college. yes. Because then obviously you don't have so much time you had in college to spend together.
But then that will definitely not be the end of life. My friends, close relations will still exist, on phone, on FB, on Gtalk.. only that i will not be able to see them physically..

I was away from my country for a couple of months. and yes i was alone there. but I got a different experience of solitude. No phone. only connection to the outside world was a couple of hours of internet. other all hours immersed in work. That experience was very satisfactory.

I do think some days of solitude are good for self assessment and improvement of self as a person.. So instead of being afraid of being alone, its good to enjoy the solitude..(I know better said than done, but not impossible..) :)

After all we come on the earth alone. and go alone.meanwhile we gather people around us and create relations which help us live.

a new life...

yes there is a new life growing within me. I wonder how can i name the life. can the soul inside me decide its own name, its identity? I have nicknamed my to be baby as 'dudu'. I truly wonder how does the mind function in this case.
I have these nausea-tic feeling.i can and cannot eat a few things.I have suddenly got this urge of painting. Off course I am an artist, a commercial artist trying to get nito design management. never had i such an urge to get into paintings. had been to my principal yesterday. I truly cannot explain the feeling I had when i saw his sketches. I have never been so happy before on seeing the paintings.
My sixth sense has got stronger. there are some people i cannot bear. there are some things i have started liking immensely.
The joy when he/ she kicks in me is so immense. All the sadness goes away.Is this the joy of fulfilling the very reason we are on the earth? to perpetuate the species. humanities. I wonder what would be the liking of my child, how would he/ she behave? will all that i do now (maybe read books/ whatever) in these nine months really develop his/ her future psychologically?
I truly wonder if this is done and all controlled by this soul of my little one in my womb/ or what. I cannot understand this miracle of nature.

what would we do if google did not exist

or even better the internet did not exist?

today we can find our friends in fourth standard almost within seconds, provided that we remember their names. Just find them on google with the complete name a little effort and there you are oh yes!!! i have found my friend and now i can connect. it is so wonderful. our brain has to use less memory for this. I must be having some 350 friends on facebook. this gives me an accoutn of how many people i can connect to. I have so much of wealth of friends. I get to know all whats happening in their lives without seeing them physically.
I want to know about something and post a search on google i find it on wiki or anything. I can be connected to knowledge all the time..
could i even imagine this 20 years back when i was a kid? no. I could not have thought of writing my words to the world like i am doing today.
I am just in debt to all those who make this system work for me as a small constituent of the world.
should i say thank you God for sending in Google?

human labour?

i am in gurgaon currently. the conveyance here are the cycle rickshaws. it is truly very disheartening to see these skinny people actually dragging the rickshaws. meaning they drag the weight of the rickshaws + themselves+ carriage + you. God!!..And I think it is exploitation of the human labor. today I actually saw the bruised legs of the rickshaw driver and felt so damn guilty for hiring him and got him a medicine for them. His legs were actually bleeding. He smirked on this act of mine. (did he want to say what is this medicine gonna help for?)I wowed not to hire the cycle rickshaw ever.

I shared these views with people here and they said how else would these earn their bread. Where are the Human rights people? How can I help? i don't know.

On second thoughts: I saw this person bleeding and my heart cried. But then what about the immense physical labor people put in building up a mansion/ house. I stay in such shelters.
Moreover, what about the immense mental labor that people put in so that my blog functions. These titbit's i write are read by everyone. There are so many problems faced by the software specialists, the people with loads of mental labor. Only that I cannot see it directly as I saw the person's feet bleeding today.

it then sometimes comes to my mind, how and who will define the limits of human rights in labour? why does physical labour only come in this arena. what about the immense pressure and deaths/ high blood pressure/ high tension caused due to unrealistic deadlines given to humans by the humans?

To lie or not to lie is the question..

Honesty is the best policy. you have to produce hundreds of lies to keep one.....
Yeah that's what we learn in the school. There are boards that are hung up on the walls of the room where in we lie to teacher when we don't do are homework. We lie when were talking and got caught. This phenomenon of getting caught then lying or is it about lying for not getting caught..
i don't say i've never lied in my life. I have as a kid.. It was then that my mom always (sometimes, in fact many times i was thrashed up) tried to tell me not to lie..
This constant telling in by everyone around and so much of lying in the childhood, I think has made me a better adult. Today i strictly hate lies and can tell if the person in front of me is lying or not.
And to my surprise I find the people that lie, get away with the situation.They then fake smiles/ laughter(that surprises me a lot.. as nothing hilarious is actually going on).People try to use their charm...Their job at that moment is done.I do not know what long term disadvantages they face..If I have to lie, I definitely feel bad. Do they? or is it just normal for them? I do not know.

But I feel i am at peace of my own mind by speaking the truth. yeah maybe this is the answer. I should be truthful for the peace of my own mind. It is not about getting caught/ not. It is more about what remains in the mind, debris or bloom.