Rohini and Ketki

ketki came to support me whenever i was in trouble irrespective of her appointments. there was a time when she even shared a room with me just to support me. she has been a friend from 6 years now. she was with me on the day my mom died. it gave me so much of a morale boosting.
rohini is a new friend. but i can see the amount of care she imparts. i am feeling so supported and good because of her. she keeps laughing and smiling. she wants make me smile and make me more comfortable in life.
what is it that make them help me? i think its the purity of their heart. they endorse the importance of having friends. they are so very important.
what is it that makes friends. there are times when you simply click with a person and stay together. you simply feel so much trust in that person.
sometimes it just comes to mind, where does this divinty of friendship come from. from wherever but it truly beautiful. people comfort each other and express love. what on the earth is true love? i think this is what it it. being for another person so selflessly.
thanks a ton rohini and thanks a tonn ketki.(i know they will not even like me saying thanks)but i definitely i owe them so much.thanks to God too for giving me such good friends on this earth.

life and death

I just read this in the Times of India

Death is separation of the soul from the physical body. Death becomes the starting point of a new and better life. Death merely opens the door to
Soul-body separationa higher form of life; it is only the gateway to a fuller life.

Birth and death are jugglery of maya. He who is born begins to die. He who dies begins to live. Life is death and death is life. Birth and death are merely doors of entry and exit on the stage of this world. In reality no one comes, no one goes. Brahmn or the eternal alone exists.

Just as you move from one house to another house, the soul passes from one body to another to gain experience. Just as a man casting off worn-out garments takes new ones, so the dweller in this body, casting off worn-out bodies, enters into others that are new.

and I also read, you become fearless when you lose what you feared the most. is it that your responsibility towards the most posessed reduces?
I think my mom's death has made me understand (i knew it but knowing by reading somewhere and understanding is different)that the body we live in is so immaterial. It is just there. whats more important is the soul. I do not know whether it stays but the deeds do.

was just reading a lot on all this since my mom's death. felt like sharing on the web.

so sudden..but so much real

my dad called up to come over immediately. i went and i saw her going. leaving this world, me. i saw that every little movement that she made when she was on the ventilator. every movement and i prayed please back to normal and come to life. after seeing this for continous three days i saw the pulse rate dropping and i knew this was it. i did not want to see her die.no. i didnt. it was too early for her to die.
but this is also true tht how can i decide or who am i to decide whether it was too early?
i saw my mom dying and i could do nothing. the doctors tried. they could do nothing.
it was a clear heart failure on the 18th september 10:34.she could now rest in peace.i know she's in peace than she ever was on this earth.and maybe in a better state?

the customs of the 12th, 10th day are just to pacify the people around. the tradition of asthi visarjan just made me realise what we are. after we die. we are just those pieces of bones left. where's that life?
where does it come from. and where does it go?

i do not know and never will.

women?

I was traveling back home. The innocent little kid next to me would give a nice feeling about the way it was brought up to become so cute ever. He smiled at me as soon as he got up. This actually showed the innocence in him.

While the small little girl woke up with a cry which actually woke everyone in the cabin. The reason? The little girl along with her mother was sleeping on the floor of the train without anything to cover as well as nothing below. She slept on her mom’s saree. She would definitely be shivering with cold all night. She was a small kid of around 2 years same was the boy-child. This is something that I have observed twice now. The veiled women (from Rajasthan) I do not know about their caste and don’t want to specific in mentioning it. The whole family travels to whatever place and the women are literally seen as the assistants/ even worse servants of their husbands. The woman serve food almost the moment the men wake up or order something. They take good care of their kids.

The men do not book a berth for the women. The women sleep on the floor in between the two berths. It is really disheartening to see this. This time I at least saw the veiled woman getting a place to sit on the seat. Last time I encountered an incident which was even worse. The woman slept on the floor. And after getting up she actually sat facing the wall next to the window and sat still. Without a word to utter.

The man of the family eyed me very strangely since I was the only woman who seemed out of place there.I was not wearing a saree and had not veiled my face. I was travelling alone, bold enough to ask him to make place for my seat which was reserved. He was so very reluctant and talked very rudely. Being polite primarily I answered him with the same rudeness as he did. I had to. He should know.. He is not at all the supremo. He should have some respect for women.

It sometimes really comes to mind, I felt so bad about the incident. I felt the women should be equally placed. But did the women feel so. Did they even feel the need to heard? Did they even know that there was a world beyond the mundane things that they did. Or did they even know what they lived as. Reproductive machines to render their kids. That’s all? They must be feeling great achievements in whatever they were doing. I would not be the right person to comment. Because I do not know how it feels to be completely suppressed. As a woman, I have faced the brunt of suppression. But maybe education has empowered me the way to see ahead. But are these woman happy bearing the brunt? (I do not know).

my dog is no more

my mom called me in the morning and i missed the call as i had left my phone some where. She called me back and said, our dog, Sheru died today. He was twelve years old. he died of a kidney stone problem. he did not eat anything for 2-3 days. And now he is no more. Some how i ll be missing him. Everytime I go back home, I normally used to see him coming waving his small tail. He was huge. he would just pounce upon and start licking or at least troubling.
He did not let anyone come to our house. he was like an identity to our house. We used to instruct people tht come to the house with the huge black dog. he was a part of our family. He truly supported my mom when she was alone at home. Not that i really love pets or some thing. But his loss is a loss to me .
now- a - days it really comes to my mind, is it that i am becoming more and more sensitive to an absence in life? Sheru is gonna be a deliberate absence, truly...Yes maybe i am becoming more and more sensitive.. Sometimes I feel how of sensitivity is too much.?
even now am i just trying to look at it objectively but i can not.. is this what is called as being sensitive or is it just a pure relation that we develop with every cell around and grieve over its absence?

what if there are no problems?

We had this wonderful course on systems thinking by Mr.Dinesh Korjan. Systems thinking is a way of solving complex problems. we learned how to map the problems and then solve them. try and come to a workable solution.
It just came to my mind... we come to being, and we start having problems. then we start finding solutions. e.g. transportation was a problem so Ford invented the car, James invented the steam engine,etc.. little did he know, that his solution was going to be a huge problem today..a major contributor to global warming.but then is global warming truly a problem? Yes it is going to affect the world..but will we be alive to see it? my group worked on old age problems. although while working we thought the best solution would be 'marna' or dying. but when it came to presenting it, i was simply unble to list down the reasons why they should die. I felt it was just being very selfish and insensitive. here my sensitivity towards the problem was high. it became a problem to me. i actually burst in tears because i just could nt bear the idea thinking of someone dying..be it anyone.
but i needed to be more strong may be..that was the solution of my problem..
eventually i now truly believe, if i had no problem to solve, then what would i do in life? this actually helped me look at the problem as not being a problem but an integral part of our lives. now i think it will be much easier for me to look at problems and hurdles in life as them being my own than being imposed on me.
All thanks to mr.Dinesh Korjan.

Autumn and sonata

the movie. i just saw it. it was more about a struggle of individuals wanting to get each others love. a mother and her daughters. the mother being ambitious enough to neglect the household.(thats wht the daughter felt.) The mother kept feeling home sick. But by the time she tried spending in some time with the family, the family had drifted away.Not being timely in this case really made a cause of hatred towards her.
I was just wondering, was she really wrong? I do not deny the relationships that everyone shares.. everyone is someone's someone. there is some or the other relation.then what is it that needs to be done in such a situation. The society today really demands a lot from women. They should be very well at home, manage relationships, and manage the challenges outside home. In such a situation, i think a human being (here i want to mention that women are human beings as well) can really do specific things at a time. Not to mention the multi-tasking ability of women, but how much can they multi-task.
But then the daughter was also right. she wanted her share of her mothers time. She thinking tht way was quite natural, so was the thinking of the mother. I could really not come to a conclusion, as to wht is it tht is true life, or living life for ourselves (because we are not gonna get this life again)or for others (because we are not gonnna get the same people again)..