Grief & condolences

My Grand father passed away recently. At some 97- 98 years of age.
Yes, he was not at all an affectionate person.
The truth is I dont really remember him a lot anymore. Because we probably never had those great moments together. My family always had tiffs with him.
But I am sure he was a major part of my upbringing. All that was said about him was said by other people.He was a disciplinarian. He cleaned the bungalow surroundings everyday morning as a chore everyday morning. He followed eating timings strictly (that explains his age) also a very fixed diet. 
But as far as I remember he was always aloof, fighting with the world unnecessarily. My grand ma filled in that position. She was compassionate. Very loving. Very Gender based role division. She used to bear all that atrocities that my grandpa did. No, I still don't think that involved domestic violence. But yes, he used to keep picking petty fights and she patiently handled them, never really expressed herself. She was a meek person easy to be dominated. She had immense tolerance levels.
She passed away in her sixties. Every relative still speaks of her being good. 
I never heard of likewise for grandpa(we called him appa). But Appa was a part of me growing up. He was money minded enough to sue his own kids, but at the same time he helped them immensely too. His kids, my parents, uncles all of them always looked up to him for his saving habits and his basic conscience of keeping the property to himself till he died. Which was one of the reasons why people tolerated him.
Why am I writing all this.
No, I was not immensely grieved of his death. Cause we never shared moments.
But from that day, there has been this immense need to write, that maybe yes I do grieve his death. He was not close, was troublesome, but somewhere he has been a major part of my upbringing.
His memories - teachings - whatever he did for me kept haunting me.
It came to my mind, should a person be remembered for his or her good deeds. Or is it ok to be helping and being bad prima-facie so that people dont feel bad when u die ?
He actually taught me a lesson while leaving. Doing the rightful and not looking at it again as a good thing to be done.
I wonder, who will cry when I die.
But then Do I want someone to cry ? probably I wont care after I am dead.

Do we lack someone to fight with ?

Yes, the whole generation is onto getting depressed for a long time now. Everyone,  from Celebs to normal people are suddenly stuck with this epidemic of Depression. One feels lonely, left out in  the crowd. There is this compulsion to be nice. compulsion to be happy!
Families are smaller. People's gatherings are smaller. Loads of work. People talk only for the purpose of getting work done. Lesser time pass.
Ok, I know there might be people who will disagree to the above. I must say they would be the lucky few. In this world directed by a handful of conglomerates, it is the marketeers that lead the way to happiness or depression to happiness again telling you that see, we made you happy and you owe us loyalty now. (money included).
Can there be a little solution?
I was taking a class, therein a little kid mentioned that if in case my friend is sad &  depressed, I will fight with him to make him feel better! BinGO !!??
Actually! We do lack that person whom we can fight with and make up later and still be together. There are people who bicker continuously. I think they truly would not be as depressed.  I have heard conversations from elders - anyone - that they had a fight (by fight - I mean fight not argument ) with the colleague and they still talking as good the next day. Yes, they were black listed (sort of) in each others list but they still worked together. No. not due to self compulsion (of paying the EMI's ), but that of a job. Most of them were onto government jobs. They knew they had to stick together till they retired. There werent so many choices. They could then fume on each other and still be together the next day or maybe next to next.

It comes to my mind, so will someone to fight to suffice ? What effect will the fighting have on the next person ? Then should that person also de-stress via fighting.  Should every relation be - as in just be ? without a single fight at all ? love-ly fight ?  

Sharing & Caring &

I work in this new place for a year now. It is in the  North of India. Near New Delhi. 

And for the whole year, I have seen our Vice Chancellor, a very senior person, beaming with a smile, every single time, absolutely every single time whenever his wife calls in. & I have met her too. She is such a sweet n charming lady, equally intelligent & smart. 

I used to stay here when I was preggers. The house that I stayed in was owned by a senior couple. Uncleji used to go to get vegetables and grocery everyday in the evening with Auntyji. It was more of a time that they spent together. 

I had been to Mumbai last year for a wedding, and was gonna reach late at around 12 am. The friends that we stayed with came to pick us up. I insisted, we can take a cab, you do not need to disturb yourselves. But she insisted, nah, don't worry. This is when we get to spend time together & we relish it. 

There is another couple I know. Wherein the guy used to drop the girl to office 40 kms away one way. Because they thought their discussions / talks didnt get over within the time they got at home. 

Why all this suddenly ? 

It was just yesterday, that I gave 2 shrewsberry biscuits to a colleague, a fellow Dean in college. He asked what it was, and remembered that his wife loved them. He mentioned so. And said I think I should keep them for my wife. I insisted, dont worry, I will give you a packet tomorrow. But in spite of that, he ate one and kept one for his wife. 

It just came to mind, maybe all this sharing, caring, urge to spend time together makes relationships last way longer. Or Forever. Maybe! 

The beauty of familiarity

Currently I live away for that 'so familiar land' where the language is my mother tongue. Do I miss all this consciously ? no. But somewhere in my sub conscious I do.
I remember, I had been to China, some years ago, and had felt so nice when i met another person who knew my language. We gelled well immediately. In fact I am still in touch with a person whom I met accidentally at the Chinese market. Off course through Fb.
It rained yesterday. But the rains are not as lovely as they in the place I come from. Or from the place I lived for long. For many years of my life.
Am I a migrant here, yes. It is my country. But the culture, the people, etiquette everything is different. It is still very easy to talk to a person with the same mother tongue. It is still very easy to understand and relish the food that I ate as a kid. There are times when the mind is not at all ready to accept the fact that the food is so very different. So not familiar.
But beyond all this, I think I am missing the marketplaces too ? What ? can this be ?
Yes.
I just went to a store in Delhi, called as the Sitaram's stationary store. There is a stationary mall in pune called as 'Venus'. The very fact that Sitaram was supposed to be the biggest stationary store, made me anticipate  the same experience as Venus! I would still want to travel to Pune, and not miss going to Venus!
I went there. I literally stood there for a moment. It was way different, but it still felt similar, with floors filled with stationary.
I felt so good, so familiar. So at home. so satiated. It was not about the shopping, it was more about the experience of stationary displayed in a similar fashion out there.
It just came in my mind, though we want to wander, want to experience new things, we still want to come back to that one anchor point. We still yearn the company we were familiar with. Forever. 

The goodness of new & good associations

Well, this is the first time that I saw fog actually at a visibility of 10 metres from me. Was it 5 metres ?  Maybe.
It is supposed to be the most dangerous thing. My god! anything can happen.
My car did not go ahead of 5 speed. Have I ever done that before?
Oh, it is supposed to be scary!!!

But guess what.
I was so happy!!. I felt like I was driving on Sinhagad. We had been there as a family when I was in 8-9th. it was awesome walking through the clouds - actual clouds - foggy mornings in Mahabaleshwar! All this seen in the very temperate environment. Nothing serious, nothing dangerous!
I felt like I wanted to get out of the car and walk through the Fog - smog - whatever - cloud like thingie on a national highway !!!

I sang to the tunes of wonderful songs until I saw a few students walking through the fog, and I offered them a lift.

Seriously I only felt happy driving through the fog, dangerous fog today.
For obvious reasons, everyone else in the office was troubled due to the fog.

So, actually, the same dangerous situation turned into an amusing one for me due to the great associations I had with the fog earlier!
And of course the joy of new!

Sometimes it comes to my mind, maybe can we turn every situation into one like this?
Do we really have a positive association with every situation that we face? Can we find one?

Suicide! well anything but stupid

I was talking a friend of mine who was talking of her friend's wife who tried committing a suicide. She referred to her as what a stupid woman, cant she understand that her suicidal plans cause the family so much of trouble!

Yes it was mindless of her to say that. She is a dear friend, but I told her on face that it was extremely mindless to say that.

Depression hitting its peak is equivalent to a suicidal tendency. It can hit anyone.

A person is cornered to a level that he or she cannot recover makes that person suicidal.

There have been many different posts, whatever announcements that you can talk to me come to me for a cup of coffee, tea whatever if you are feeling depressed.
But does that help ?

I do not know.

Depression can hit anyone anytime. Be it someone like to Dipika Padukone to anyone at all.

Reasons ?
1. I read it could be due to indigestion :P
2. Most famous ones are post-partum depression - i.e. depression after child birth to the mother.
3. Love or heart breaks
4. Losing loved ones. be it due to a divorce, heart break or death.
5. Losing sight of the path ahead, be it in career, marriage anywhere.
6. Monotonous life
7. Basically no place left to go to
8. Handling burden that you actually cannot. could be work, home, relationship. Anything.

All this seems like a very natural thing to happen for people who have never faced depression.

Genetically few people are more prone to depression due to their chemical structures.
https://themindsjournal.com/depression-isnt-a-choice/
Just adding in a link speaking of the same.

NO ONE, absolutely wants to be depressed happily.

It happens.

All we can do is to help. Understand ?
That will come in only if you are genuinely concerned about that person. Please for God's sake and your own sake don't just pass judgements or give some mad advices if you are not concerned.

I have seen people taking advantage of the situation very manipulatively.
Not sure if I want to judge them or give a few examples here. No one is perfect.  I have seen people moving ahead of the people under depression. Or breaking ties with that person.

It is very difficult for a person under depression to react sanely to things. (I am not saying they go insane). It just becomes difficult for them to be themselves leave alone fulfilling expectations.
Please check if you are expecting too much out of them.

Are there some symptoms ?

Depression needs to be looked into at the earliest. It is likewise difficult to understand for the individual as well, if depressed.

1. Change in behaviour (someone extremely talkative suddenly )
2. disinterest in making new friends
3. disinterest in doing everyday chores
4. Not surfacing anywhere.

I am not a psychologist but I know that the person starts behaving differently for sure.

Can we help the people who are depressed to at least not move to the suicidal cliff ?
I am sure if there is a perfect solution. But we all can try. Maybe.

In pursuit of Happiness (?) - keep working

No I do not understand. Is it happiness that we need to pursue or just be and let happiness come over like a butterfly and sit with us for some time ?

I am currently working with a visionary - Sudhir Sharma.
He just made an observation about me - that I am a methodical designer. That i can create numbers around Design.
He asked me what is my aim in life.

And I have one aim for sure.
To live for 35 more years. I am going to extend those many years for sure.

And he was startled. He then called everyone in the office and asked everyone - what is their aim
EVERYONE answered - they want to be happy.

Well, I just realised my transformation from a free bird to counting value of each line that a designer draws. To making money or better - trying to make money out of any design work.

With an ultimate aim of helping the designers to figure out their worth in the market.
Well anyone can come for a consultation as to how to earn through their art.

Through this have I lost the essence of giving in freely to the temptation of color smell ? To holding the brush? to being lost in my world ?

Did I miss being happy / yearning for being happy ?
Or did I just give up on that wish to forget it ?
Or was I simply content on what I got ?

Sometimes it just comes to my mind, that maybe I just gave up on the possibility of being happy.
I feel its a butterfly. Will come in, settle for sometime and fly away. And i am thankful that this happiness does come to me on its own!!

Why wait for it ? Keep working!?