Can we just be and let be ? accepting things as is ?

I dont remember if I read this somewhere or wrote it myself in my notebook.

Sometimes the basic need  for happiness is overwhelming. Life will be easier if we understand that we dont need to be happy and fulfilled all the time. 

Being inert to various things will help to be peaceful. 

Maybe being peaceful is more important than being happy. 

I was working on something in the morning, completed a movie, not a very happy ending. It just got me thinking.

We tend to associate happiness with fulfillment. We want our wishes to be true. Even if they are associated with someone else in life. We, in a way through expectations are asking people to behave like we want them to.

When those expectation are not fulfilled, we become unhappy. 

We want to be in control, of everything. we dont want that pimple that comes up in teenage to wanting our kids/ Grand-kids to listen to what we say when we are old. From the political scenarios to Cricket to art. From birth to someone's death. We want to give birth as well as not want someone to die! I wish my mom was around even today! 

Gosh! Everything. 

But the truth is, can we really be in a position that we can control everything around us. 

Can we not having control be just natural ? Can we be in the position of uncomfort naturally ? a baby comes to birth through pain not happiness. although there is happiness post birth. 

Dont we have to go through similar pain when in other situations too ? 

Its just came to my mind. Why is this Big Ado about 'happiness' ? I think it should simply be ok to be unhappy. To make a gloomy face through the day when in pain. Why does one has to carry that smile on face ? I think this gloomy face/ gloomy mood could probably bring in a bodily reaction which will make us happy. Which will keep us from getting depressed to the level of hurting our internal systems (say endocrine) and remain healthy. (not sure if to live more gloomy enough). I trust human body will find a way to get ok. 

Sometimes it just comes to my mind, that maybe this 'happiness' thing should be beyond just presenting yourself. One should be able to have a hanging face and not smile if he/ she does not want to. In the quest of spreading happiness are we hurting our own selves to the level of chronic depression or some chronic disease with no cure ? 

Can we just be and let be ? 

is the world ending for me.

this is a lot of things together.
first and foremost. i m missing my daughter too much!.
i cry everyday!

but then,
I m feeling free. the atmosphere here is free. i could walk all alone on the seashore - i walked the cliff on my own - all through . got a bronzy look. i am living on my own.
i am out of the mundane things.
I have liberated all the people whom i have bound with my love and expectations.
everything's answered.
I have got everything - there is no new wish in the horizon - except my care for my little one.

I have become free.

do i think that my soul is ready to set free now?
am i approaching death naturally. ?

written in Ireland when i missed her so much!
i do not know if every mom has a similar feeling as I do! of so much of a linkage to our own kids ? 

Baggage towards everyone around us!

Baggage!

We shed one baggage and gather another. There are times, when we believe we can do something. Our mind says so. Our heart says so. And it does not happen. Because the world does not believe so. 

We think we can get into a college. But we could not. We think I could have been someone, but I stepped down for someone. I wanted to be the prime minister of India, but then I got married, :P funny enough, my Dad keeps saying this. :) 

The literal meaning of Baggage is - past experiences or long-held attitudes perceived as burdensome encumbrances. 

The past experiences which create so much of a burden on ourselves. 

Because we could not achieve something, we tend to see the reasons why we could not. We tend to think on why could we not get something. We wail, not cry over it. Then, after looking into what we could have done, we look into what someone else could have done something for us in that regards. 

And mostly parents are to be blamed. I had a baggage towards my late mom. I do have some for my Dad as yet. 

But I have learnt something after she passed away. The baggage goes away all by itself. It disappeared. It went with her. That space in my mind was filled by her memories. (of the ones that I did not have too, i.e. of the moments that I had imagined, and were not). All that she reminds me of or I want to be reminded about her is the love that she could give me. Here in could give is very important. I always wanted more from her. Like any other little kid, I wanted her for myself. When kids, we do not tend to understand that other roles that she was in then. We feel as kids that she is my mom and she better be available for myself and only myself. I had this baggage and tried to keep getting attention from her. 

But today, when I look at my kid, I can see the same desire in her. 
Today I understand, why could my mom not be with me. Today I understand, she had a lot of things to cater to when being her, the mom, because I am a mom. Today I understand, how difficult it would have been to her when saying a simple no to me so that I become independent and do the task myself. Be it not paying my college fees then.

Hence I have forgiven my Dad, for his part of baggage. And others too. 

All said done, now what ? Baggage forgiven is good, but the consequences of those actions remain. Those actions that we as individuals performed as a reaction to the Baggage. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Those actions result into some really irreversible mistakes in life. What about them. 

No I do not have an answer in this blog. I am looking for one. 

Ending with a small note written by a friend : 

kwahishe toh chhoti chhoti thi, poori na hui toh badi lagne lagi. 

This means, sometimes our wishes are really small. They become big (BIG) when they are not fulfilled. 

Sometimes in my mind, I feel baggage should thrown away asap, but then we realize it is a baggage only after it is too late and has started haunting us already. Nevertheless, better late than never! 

to mingle or not to mingle

I had been to my daughter's gathering recently.
There were these little tiny tots dancing to the tunes of all the new 'kinda' item number songs.
with the new rules that are set in, all the the little ones were dancing to the tunes. My daughter's dance was on a the song shubharambh from Kai po che. Until the gathering, my daughter kept singing it as she heard it and confirming that yes this is the song, and these are the wordings. She was extremely confident in spite of being wrong. In fact she did not care to be right. She was happy!

During the actual gathering there were many little ones who danced in their own tune. They did not necessarily follow the sequence, the regime that the teacher must have given to them. They seemed absolutely happy in doing this. The parents were also happy, spotting their little one - aaah there is my little one!! she is the one, he is the one!! See how is he dancing. she is looking so cute!

It came to my mind, is it really necessary for these kids to fall in rut of being compliant to society's norms? Of following something, someone and fit into that person's criteria for perfection ?
Why cant one simply be happy in being!!

I am sure there is no one who is. everyone must have complied to someone for some reason. Finding perfection through rules set by someone else and not self!

where there would be no end at all ?

I was watching friends - the part wherein Phoebes discovered that her mom kept all the bad endings of the films that she watched and she felt that all the movies were really happy movies. A thought came to my mind. Would it really be good if no one actually sees the end?
Is it not a truth that a person who dies would probably not feel that it is an end at all.
This incident that happened near Pune - at Malin. a whole complete village simply disappeared due to landslide and so many people are simply crushed uderneath. Wonder if the rescue operation which off course is working in 2000 % of optimism would lead to anyone alive at all. Wonder if the rollers / cranes that are moving over the surface are actually crushing people more.
Wonder what the people must have faced. It must have been a gush of end coming closer ?
whether good or bad will be the prerogative of the people alive. Of the people who live. Suffering, the end would only come if there is life to experience it. Would it be a possibility with the dead ?
The Malin incident actually makes me feel, two things actually. 1. it is un-predictive of life to take us anywhere anytime. One can really not make a statement that i have something/ someone forever.
2. And we are still fortunate to be alive to see the suffering. to feel it.
And sometimes it just comes to my mind - Time is either going to heal or create a septic wound, and break away eventually.
How can life be simply rosy. The complete picture must always be visible. And then these times will also move and life with it too. One or the other day, little little worlds will end.  

smile please

I was driving back home and half way through I saw 3 people standing with placards - please smile / smile and returning a smile with it.
It was nice and pleasant. I did smile. I wonder if i would have done that had I been not in the mood to.
Off course the smile please placards did build up my mood. I smiled and the person in front of me did the same. That was really  nice.
It really feels nice.

the internal volcano..

Being with oneself during a crisis is an extremely difficult and challenging thing probably.
A little unrest and you feel the need of someone to be with you. and then you are left with the option of being with a friend that you trust the most. and there are times that this friend does not really understand the context of what is the situation. Could be because the situation is from another context, the friend belongs to another context another situation.
the friend can understand ur state, but not the context.
I think at such times, its best to be with yourself. just be with urself.. but then it becomes a trouble if you are not introvert enough to keep things with you. And then there is fuming inside.. the volcano wants to erupt. it does not. and then there must be something within that's gonna pacify this volcano..
this needs a lot of strength, a lots of comfort with self - being comfortable with the volcano. being there not suppressing the volcano but pacifying it almost with a chemical..
this inner self probably needs to be the strong solitude of that will deactivate the volcano..get rid of that situation.. and yes as right ly said by a friend it is not a problem a situation u need to deal with..
If one can diffuse this volcano within, the fuming can be avoided. its repercussions can be avoided.
it just comes to my mind, at such times, the diffusing can be so difficult. keeping working towards it is so much essential, especially if there are situation that bring in such volcanoes everyday.