Here's what's been happening.
For a very long time. In fact ever since I have known I will have a girl child, I have been thinking of how would I let her be and yet be able to protect her from all the stupid pressures that the world may levy on her.
We as females are told by some or the other person. Hey, this part of body is seen. Cover it. We grow up under these inhibitions. We learn we need to cover up. as much as we can. to look as shapeless. as much as we can. & despite all that some person will scan us from head to toe. Then we learn not look at such people. Hunch in a little & then more. Feel bad of our own body. Because the lesser we have, the body can wear lesser clothes and expose more since that looks like the acceptance overall. All this of course comes from the false ideas from Fashion & the media. & Fashion and media gain their insights from real world.
A real world wherein the elder ladies have a bigger say. The younger ones feel the brunt of it. Just recently an elder lady who comes from one the biggest patriarchal society in India had an encounter with me. We travelled together for a few times. She, was on alcohol all the time because the hotel gave free alcohol. While she wore a silk trouser and shirt (she s from the state where women wear cloth covering their faces and bodies). Went ahead and told me I should not wear sleeveless and dresses because of my age. I asked her why & asked if she also wanted to wear them. to which of course she could not find a befitting reply and went on with how she does not wear them and how it does not suit the customs from India blah blah. But could not answer when i asked if someone allowed her to wear the trousers. (which is a taboo in her customs ).
Another elderly who is an extreme elite would pass comments on the amount of color that I wear. & she spread the word enough that more than a few elderly people started passing comments on my dressing sense. I made all my efforts to ignore them, to tell them that is my dressing etc. It has stuck into my head forever.
Running up to the recent incident when my daughter wanted to wear an off shoulder. As of now, i have always resisted and have asked her not wear revealing clothes. & again I am the who gets these clothes for her. To dress up my little baby girl. Now that she is growing up, it was becoming difficult for me to tell her to take care of her dressing without being a hypocrite. Without challenging my own beliefs of freedom. Of letting her know that she should be able to manage the gaze of every individual who looks at women objectively.
I think this was the choice that I had to make as an elder female. I gave her the confidence and protection to be able to wear she wanted. I wanted to make her feel good of her choices. the freedom that she wanted to experience. The Freedom that is needed by everyone. Just to be able to be. To be able to glide in life as is as one would like to.
& this realisation literally set me free too.
the worry for a mother, if her kid is safe, what is happening to her kid etc. All that. I decided. That she will be able to carry herself everywhere. That touchwood she will be safe.
then we travelled.
We met a couple of young girls at an art gallery workshop. They were contemplating what to wear thinking if it is too much. Young in their primary 20s. This was my moment to give. to give as the relatively elder person to those girls. I gave them the confidence that they were right about their own bodies and they could simply accept themselves. Wear what they wanted to. nothing was less and nothing was extra. & I did'nt have to say all these words. All i had to do was give them a nod with a smile & say oh that is absolutely great on you. That's all.
I saw them walking out being comfortable with what they were wearing.
& I think I hit another level of peace and happiness in my mind.
Sometimes it comes to my mind that enablement, confidence, happiness - we should give as much. enjoy our age in helping others being the best versions of themselves. This gives another level of confidence to me too.
well. that's another phase of life that I am in.
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