and then that's what friends are for?

I was thinking of our society being a place where we stay together. We are born and we have our parents around us. I think they understand us on intuition. An intuition which also speaks of their own experience. I used to love books as a kid. I love them today also. My daughter who is just 2 loves books too. Here I use my intuition that since she is my genes, she would behave like me. And then the whole world says, your parents understand you very well. In fact here is the place when you get used to being with someone. being in a company.
In fact everyone who stays with you for more than some amount of time, starts knowing you. slowly. slowly. This slow is a little more slow in case the people are introverts. for people who don't talk, everyone thinks and decides differently for that person. Everyone uses his/ her prejudices (there is no person without prejudices ever), past experiences to try to make out what the person is. And then there are lot of times when they are wrong. and then keep building in their own thoughts over thoughts and eventually they make a perfect picture (in their minds) about u.Then it is really difficult to erase that picture. The picture when erased causes burns/ or inappropriate marks which breaks or makes relationships.
After parents, you have friends who understand you, you feel they understand you. There are friends who are friends only because they need you. But then don’t you also need them sometimes? Aren't there times when you feel there should be someone who simply understands u like your mom did? And then there are times when you feel the need of company, good company, where you can be yourself. Like your mom’s company. Yes she would scold you, beat you, she might not be the best mom. But you can mostly be yourself with her. Then there are friends too with whom you can be yourself.

But then what happens when you tend to go a little overboard due to whatever reasons, hormones, habits, tension whatever. Then do you expect someone to understand you, make you sit quietly, tell you take few breaths and be calm? You do, expect.

then it sometimes comes in my mind, that at times It’s just that you only need company with no taglines like love, friendship, relationship, acquaintance attached. This company then leads to relationships further.
Its just that one relationship ends, one company ends, then u tend to seek new company which leads to new relations, new friendship, love, whatever the consequence, this must be an ever going cycle.

hobbies

so, what are your hobbies? this question is so much easier as kids. And so much difficult after having kids.
Out of curiosity, I asked a  new colleague, what are your hobbies. He was quick in answering them. I did not anticipate that this question  will strike me back. I was asked, " what are your hobbies".
And I instantly said, painting. (is this a hobby for me as yet?) I look forward to make a great painter out of me when I die, so that my daughter has a few things to be proud of her mom. then was cooking (oh this has turned into another hobby after she is born) I want her to taste every taste while she is growing. I want to hand cook it for her, because I love her so much!. and then I remembered, oh reading was one of the best things, i would do. And it would 2 whole years, that i have finished a book. It took me memory to remember that I had a hobby.
A hobby according to me is something that u ought to do in free time (which i don't find since I got married), something that will make u feel great (which I think is passion - painting). how i miss those days, when i used to finish a book in a day. now, I am sure its not my speed of reading but the amount of other things in my mind that reduce my speed.
sometimes it just comes to mind, that it is high time i accept things have changed, so should me hobbies since my priorities have changed. 

5 years to go

this has been my observation for sure now!.. 
A friend (in fact a couple) was just successful in turning their relationship to marriage. I saw the guy closely trying to woo the girl. And he was successful in 5 years (almost). 
A professional graduation degree in India takes 5 years to complete. 
Sonia Gandhi took exactly 5 years to learn Hindi well enough, unlike the earlier hand waving that she used to do. 
I took 5 years of study (now again not literally) to break in an entrance exam for a college i wanted to be in. This is just an observation. 
I am not sure if it applies everywhere, but I think it applies some cases. Or rather - I would say, If I have a goal, I ought to achieve in 5 years provided that i am taking efforts to achieve it. 
It hence comes to my mind, lets take up another goal for another 5 years so that I see it succeeding after 5 years. Taken up a few though. Hope this works. :) 

mediocrity.

Sometimes mediocrities unite, and then you fail to find yourself there. and you feel you are away from the crowd. why is it so difficult to mix up at times. Because you don't find people talk on your level. It is not important about the height (metaphorically) of the level. But there are times when you really cant mix up and feel oh God you can't lower yourselves to this level only to be a part of the group, especially when all that's in the group is one person who licking the other person's ass only to get some goodies. It is awful.
And there are times when you need to see these mediocrities around. In fact a lot of times. You cannot expect everyone to be on the same level as you. It is not about where you are/ or at what level at that time. sometimes all you have to do is bear mediocrity..

stand still..

And sometimes you know you are standing there at the shore and you know the tide is going to hit you, there is no escape, it's too big. You need to stand still till it subsides. It depends whether you are strong enough to bear it. sometimes it might just take longer than usual, all you need to do is stand still, stand till u can. It is a testing time ahead. 

the self-less ness - altruism.

I just heard the interview of the Lady- Ravi Paranjape (the famous artist/ illustrator/ writer) 's wife from Pune. She has stood by him actually through the thick and thins of life. Self-less ly. It is so unimaginable to me. Giving all life another person, that in an arranged marriage. That is so so very good. I have a love marriage. I still can make an honest confession, that I cannot give away all from me to my husband, or rather anyone. I will still try to take some me time, some time for my activities - whatever. Although I have seen my mom also doing the same.In spite of the fact that she was a working woman she still was involved in every single that Dad did, She supported him. regardless.
What I will do is if it is viable option to go that way etc etc.What not. I heard the interview for almost 4 times. the lady is so much in love with what her husband does, supports him throughout and she has taken care of her spastic child throughout too...I felt Oh I am so selfish. People have to face so much in life. What we see is the surface that seenms polished. Same is the case with My Principal Patil Sir's wife. She has also given her life to the artist, I think that has actually helped him. I keep saying that Sir, I want a wife too.. like aunty.
But that's being selfish, I need to wish to be like her. self-less. and still take responsibilities of life.
There on I decided, I will Give, all that I can. I suddenly got this inspiration and hence I want to act upon it. I want get back to the altruistic myself where in happiness is immense, much more than today.  

the women-ly feeling.

its high time I am on the other side of the grass and I feel the other- other side is more beautiful. I was just thinking.. Born as a girl (thank God in an educated family to an educated couple(who did not have a problem with having a girl child- as these days people use their education to kill female foetus)) that I survived. Came in, saw the world. As far as I can remember, Mom always reminded me that I am a girl, not in the wrong sense though. That she did not remind me that I belonged to someone else and one day I will get married and only look after the kids and dishes. But instead she reminded me of being a girl to be safe from all the impurities in the world. She taught me how to protect myself (No, I did not join Karate, my younger sister did :) ) I remember she saying a lot of times, that men want to have wives like Shridevi (a star actress then) that she should be beautiful, as well as performing.
Then I was the daughter - not allowed to do so many things in life. I always felt I should have been a boy, so much of freedom to them. Gosh! I had to obey a lot of things, I was more of the girl- girl types. My sister was the tomboy and smarter to face the world. I felt i will be able to behave like I wished to when i will grow up, earn on my own, have my own loving husband.
Aah! then I became the wife - no stopping still - Had a lot more to do - Work, study, look after - oh oh my.. No i could not do things I wished too, In fact i had even more responsibilities. To study - to earn- to manage home- what not.
And now Mom! this is a role I love to play, because of the innocent - no conditions love that i get from my daughter.. A lot more responsibilities.  
But the point is in this how many times have I lived my dream? What comes to my mind is-I guess I am not alone. there are so many Woman achievers I need to learn from. They also must be having all these sets of responsibilities. If not the same, but similar. I think I need to Push myself harder to do what I wish to do in this lifetime, because there would not be another time where I can be.