The new Mom

After the Queen Bee, I think this post is extremely relevant with respect to labor division in any house.
Currently, I have a friend staying over. She is quiet younger to me and now is a mom to 2 kids. She has a little baby. a little sweet 4 month old. And a cute 3 year old. She has a help who is around her and helping her through the process. But she herself also keeps doing a lot to take care of the kids.
Before this baby, her mom helped her with the first one along with a help. She has a few people around to help her. But she has been on her toes too. Its not that she has taken advantage or has shun work because she has help.
Every single moment with her and her little ones are making me think of my time when I had my little one popping into the world.
NO, i did not have a female to help me. My mom was no more and nor was my ex-husband's mom. I was trying to find out what to do. What to do with the little bundle of joy. That's what the world calls a baby. The baby is so innocent. But it was a never ending task for me.
But I truly do not know the source of energy i had when i was handling the childbirth like a pro. Yes, I was referring to the amount of books that i may need to be working through. I did not know how to hold a child. Was it a part  of my 'adulting' ? I absolutely missed doing that as a child.  I did not hold  a little one so little. Every thing was new.  But that did not deter my primary instincts of giving my child the best. Nor is it today.
There was something divine that helped me get through this process. That helped me to take care of everything, the baby, the cooking, the cleaning of the house and the job i was doing. Yes, I did not have the luxury of help.
Yes, I always felt that having the help was a luxury. Until I saw this little friend of mine managing with the kids. Now I realize it was actually a need. I needed help  when that little one was struggling to be a part of this world. I was being a part of the this world as a mother. I did not really have more help than my sister coming sometimes and a friend dropping in. My ex-husband had restricted my people - including my sister to come to his house. Oh, but did he help ? no, he didn't. He just played with the little one sometimes. Never picked her up. We never went out for anything together (barring only a couple of times) leave alone entertainment. I had the money to get help. But was not allowed to do so.  I complied. 1. to save the institution or rather keep it going. 2. I had those age old concepts of being the martyr being the woman.  And that continuous need to prove, that the love marriage was worthy enough.
All i did was work. Is this  blow of trumpeting of how much did I do ? no. It is about letting the world know that a new mom, whether a first timer or not, still needs help. She is coping with so many things in life. She is coping with the changes in her body. She is coping with the continuous crying or demands of the little one. yes,  that little smile, that little touch,  everything is heavenly, but the physical and attention needs of the little one are also immense. The mother needs support. And every single mother who is a mom is heroic herself. And a mom who does all by herself is backed by some divine power for sure!
All I knew then and I know now is I am her sole caretaker and will be so, until she can take care of herself.

Queen Bee

One of my colleagues is a very fine lady. She has everything perfect. Her home, kids, family, jobs, herself, everything in place. She strives towards the same and takes pride in presenting the perfect picture. She proposed the theory, that she kind of believes in.

There is one queen bee, one female who is so much capable to do everything and be the queen. She is the queen. She will order and the drones (males) should be working for her. 

In modern world it may translate to the men working, bringing wages home while she (actually) takes care of the home. That is quiet a possibility. 

Each family has a possible arrangement where there is a division of labour which entitles them the duty that they perform. Not every household follows this rule.Not every place could have a queen bee who is well aware of her responsibility and work accordingly. Quiet a few people do have the patience to wait endlessly for the Drones to work. 

My daughter said, mom, I will be the Queen bee. 

Not sure if that can still be possible. The colleague mentioned above also does a lot of hard work to put things in place. To be perfect.

I am not and cannot be the Queen Bee. Who take rest and gets the drones to work. I have learned working hard from my working mother. That's all I know how to do. I cannot manipulate the Drones to work. I could not get my husband working. He chose to take no responsibility at all. I had no choice but to function on both ends. I had a little mouth to feed, like the sparrow who gets food for her kids after a day's hard work. That makes me less available as the mother, but i am satisfied that I am feeding my little one. Thats all I can do. 

I think I am the Drone, working for myself - the Queen Bee. 

I think I still do it, maybe that's why I am best at it. And maybe I am good at it hence I keep doing it. 

People leave.

We have to keep hopping jobs. so do people.

There are people who you get attached to. Not every attachment is an attraction. Maybe sometimes its comfort, which helps you survive that place.  Sometimes you love the person, not every love is the lust love. Sometimes the relation is pure. It is that person you can randomly call. It is that person you can randomly fight with. Or maybe you want to spend time with. Or simply be with. Do nothing. but then everything demands it needs a name. 

It is so selfish to think that these people should stay with you forever. But will you stay ? 

Today, no job gives a lifetime employment. Inadvertently, No job give lifetime colleagues. 

I read somewhere, go to work, work and come back. There is no need to find friends in every place you go to.

But then you don't have to find friends or any relationship for that matter. Some people just enter your lives and become significant. It is not important here whether you are significant in their lives or not. Some people become important, leave a mark and leave. 

Yes. everyone leaves. And then one day its your turn. 

Sometimes it just comes to my mind, how can anything be forever at all ? is it even possible ? well, forever is a myth for sure. That one thing you take for granted is the limited time you would probably spend with anyone. It is limited. For sure. 

Its just that I don't like good bye's. Either I am too sensitive turning into stone slowly or refuse to be cemented yet.