Monday, December 28, 2009

Human communication

These days i see this creation of human visual communication happening on a very human level..
This is intriguing right?.. I am in Shanghai and do not understand Chinese at all..the very first day, i was afraid about how would i communicate.. but then when i went in and met people, i felt there were means of communication even more strong than normal language..i had known about it for a long time..but experience makes one more equipped to face life..
I came home walking alone asking people for directions how i would do in India. Just using gestures with hands and eyes. But i don’t know how people understood me and I understood them. I got the very right direction and i reached home.
Even better was when i actually was talking to the baby sitting next to me in the train. We both had a long conversation. We both went on with gestures and touch... the baby understood better. The baby’s mind was not conditioned with thoughts and language sounds.. there is this anonymous communication within humans and humans with other living beings.
Sometimes, it comes to my mind what would happen if this conditioning was done or maybe done in the right way? (again who will say what is right).. would there had been a different world . I don’t know why but I am liking this anonymity within the known realms of the world.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Flies on our(?) food

there goes a fly..
runs around the food.
gets in his own food
and disturbs ours..
we think the fly made our food bad.. because we think the fly is bad.
because it sits on anything and come..
what if the flies form a colony of only being staying clean and living around in the house .. what if they informed us that they are gonna be clean?
Will we allow them to stay?

It just came to mind.. we decide everything on the trust that a person builds, or in this case the fly would build.. but then will our minds which are so conditioned accept the fact there is a clean soceity of flies which can survive on very little chunks of food in our house..they survive and we do??
Whose is the food by the way? ours? who makes the food? the basic grain?
nature .. then is it the fundamental right of the fly to eat even witout asking us?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Rohini and Ketki

ketki came to support me whenever i was in trouble irrespective of her appointments. there was a time when she even shared a room with me just to support me. she has been a friend from 6 years now. she was with me on the day my mom died. it gave me so much of a morale boosting.
rohini is a new friend. but i can see the amount of care she imparts. i am feeling so supported and good because of her. she keeps laughing and smiling. she wants make me smile and make me more comfortable in life.
what is it that make them help me? i think its the purity of their heart. they endorse the importance of having friends. they are so very important.
what is it that makes friends. there are times when you simply click with a person and stay together. you simply feel so much trust in that person.
sometimes it just comes to mind, where does this divinty of friendship come from. from wherever but it truly beautiful. people comfort each other and express love. what on the earth is true love? i think this is what it it. being for another person so selflessly.
thanks a ton rohini and thanks a tonn ketki.(i know they will not even like me saying thanks)but i definitely i owe them so much.thanks to God too for giving me such good friends on this earth.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

life and death

I just read this in the Times of India
Death is separation of the soul from the physical body. Death becomes the starting point of a new and better life. Death merely opens the door to
Soul-body separationa higher form of life; it is only the gateway to a fuller life.

Birth and death are jugglery of maya. He who is born begins to die. He who dies begins to live. Life is death and death is life. Birth and death are merely doors of entry and exit on the stage of this world. In reality no one comes, no one goes. Brahmn or the eternal alone exists.

Just as you move from one house to another house, the soul passes from one body to another to gain experience. Just as a man casting off worn-out garments takes new ones, so the dweller in this body, casting off worn-out bodies, enters into others that are new.

and I also read, you become fearless when you lose what you feared the most. is it that your responsibility towards the most posessed reduces?
I think my mom's death has made me understand (i knew it but knowing by reading somewhere and understanding is different)that the body we live in is so immaterial. It is just there. whats more important is the soul. I do not know whether it stays but the deeds do.

was just reading a lot on all this since my mom's death. felt like sharing on the web.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

so sudden..but so much real

my dad called up to come over immediately. i went and i saw her going. leaving this world, me. i saw that every little movement that she made when she was on the ventilator. every movement and i prayed please back to normal and come to life. after seeing this for continous three days i saw the pulse rate dropping and i knew this was it. i did not want to see her i didnt. it was too early for her to die.
but this is also true tht how can i decide or who am i to decide whether it was too early?
i saw my mom dying and i could do nothing. the doctors tried. they could do nothing.
it was a clear heart failure on the 18th september 10:34.she could now rest in peace.i know she's in peace than she ever was on this earth.and maybe in a better state?

the customs of the 12th, 10th day are just to pacify the people around. the tradition of asthi visarjan just made me realise what we are. after we die. we are just those pieces of bones left. where's that life?
where does it come from. and where does it go?

i do not know and never will.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


I was traveling back home. The innocent little kid next to me would give a nice feeling about the way it was brought up to become so cute ever. He smiled at me as soon as he got up. This actually showed the innocence in him.

While the small little girl woke up with a cry which actually woke everyone in the cabin. The reason? The little girl along with her mother was sleeping on the floor of the train without anything to cover as well as nothing below. She slept on her mom’s saree. She would definitely be shivering with cold all night. She was a small kid of around 2 years same was the boy-child. This is something that I have observed twice now. The veiled women (from Rajasthan) I do not know about their caste and don’t want to specific in mentioning it. The whole family travels to whatever place and the women are literally seen as the assistants/ even worse servants of their husbands. The woman serve food almost the moment the men wake up or order something. They take good care of their kids.

The men do not book a berth for the women. The women sleep on the floor in between the two berths. It is really disheartening to see this. This time I at least saw the veiled woman getting a place to sit on the seat. Last time I encountered an incident which was even worse. The woman slept on the floor. And after getting up she actually sat facing the wall next to the window and sat still. Without a word to utter.

The man of the family eyed me very strangely since I was the only woman who seemed out of place there.I was not wearing a saree and had not veiled my face. I was travelling alone, bold enough to ask him to make place for my seat which was reserved. He was so very reluctant and talked very rudely. Being polite primarily I answered him with the same rudeness as he did. I had to. He should know.. He is not at all the supremo. He should have some respect for women.

It sometimes really comes to mind, I felt so bad about the incident. I felt the women should be equally placed. But did the women feel so. Did they even feel the need to heard? Did they even know that there was a world beyond the mundane things that they did. Or did they even know what they lived as. Reproductive machines to render their kids. That’s all? They must be feeling great achievements in whatever they were doing. I would not be the right person to comment. Because I do not know how it feels to be completely suppressed. As a woman, I have faced the brunt of suppression. But maybe education has empowered me the way to see ahead. But are these woman happy bearing the brunt? (I do not know).

Thursday, August 6, 2009

my dog is no more

my mom called me in the morning and i missed the call as i had left my phone some where. She called me back and said, our dog, Sheru died today. He was twelve years old. he died of a kidney stone problem. he did not eat anything for 2-3 days. And now he is no more. Some how i ll be missing him. Everytime I go back home, I normally used to see him coming waving his small tail. He was huge. he would just pounce upon and start licking or at least troubling.
He did not let anyone come to our house. he was like an identity to our house. We used to instruct people tht come to the house with the huge black dog. he was a part of our family. He truly supported my mom when she was alone at home. Not that i really love pets or some thing. But his loss is a loss to me .
now- a - days it really comes to my mind, is it that i am becoming more and more sensitive to an absence in life? Sheru is gonna be a deliberate absence, truly...Yes maybe i am becoming more and more sensitive.. Sometimes I feel how of sensitivity is too much.?
even now am i just trying to look at it objectively but i can not.. is this what is called as being sensitive or is it just a pure relation that we develop with every cell around and grieve over its absence?

Friday, July 10, 2009

what if there are no problems?

We had this wonderful course on systems thinking by Mr.Dinesh Korjan. Systems thinking is a way of solving complex problems. we learned how to map the problems and then solve them. try and come to a workable solution.
It just came to my mind... we come to being, and we start having problems. then we start finding solutions. e.g. transportation was a problem so Ford invented the car, James invented the steam engine,etc.. little did he know, that his solution was going to be a huge problem today..a major contributor to global warming.but then is global warming truly a problem? Yes it is going to affect the world..but will we be alive to see it? my group worked on old age problems. although while working we thought the best solution would be 'marna' or dying. but when it came to presenting it, i was simply unble to list down the reasons why they should die. I felt it was just being very selfish and insensitive. here my sensitivity towards the problem was high. it became a problem to me. i actually burst in tears because i just could nt bear the idea thinking of someone it anyone.
but i needed to be more strong may be..that was the solution of my problem..
eventually i now truly believe, if i had no problem to solve, then what would i do in life? this actually helped me look at the problem as not being a problem but an integral part of our lives. now i think it will be much easier for me to look at problems and hurdles in life as them being my own than being imposed on me.
All thanks to mr.Dinesh Korjan.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Autumn and sonata

the movie. i just saw it. it was more about a struggle of individuals wanting to get each others love. a mother and her daughters. the mother being ambitious enough to neglect the household.(thats wht the daughter felt.) The mother kept feeling home sick. But by the time she tried spending in some time with the family, the family had drifted away.Not being timely in this case really made a cause of hatred towards her.
I was just wondering, was she really wrong? I do not deny the relationships that everyone shares.. everyone is someone's someone. there is some or the other relation.then what is it that needs to be done in such a situation. The society today really demands a lot from women. They should be very well at home, manage relationships, and manage the challenges outside home. In such a situation, i think a human being (here i want to mention that women are human beings as well) can really do specific things at a time. Not to mention the multi-tasking ability of women, but how much can they multi-task.
But then the daughter was also right. she wanted her share of her mothers time. She thinking tht way was quite natural, so was the thinking of the mother. I could really not come to a conclusion, as to wht is it tht is true life, or living life for ourselves (because we are not gonna get this life again)or for others (because we are not gonnna get the same people again)..

Saturday, July 4, 2009

does money and comfort really go together?

we had this fabulous discussion with a reknowned designer 'Amit Paul' yesterday. He has designed various automobiles. One thing tht just striked me during his presentation, was he had modified some cars. In those he had given some very comfortable seating arrangement to the CEO's car. And there was a comment that this comfort is needed by the top positioned people etc.etc.
it came to my mind, do we really need a lot comfort when we start earning better? In fact do they as well? Is it a need? Does going to a higher post change our basic body structure? Why arent people from the urban, so called sophisticated society comfortable to sit on the ground? Go barefooted in the fields? Why cant just be humans and not be categorised as rich, poor, sophisticated, crude..whatever? Is it so difficult to talk to anyone in life. Why do the people from a specific class look down to another?
Aren't we the same species?
I completely believe in the concept of survival of the fittest. i believe there is a natural competitive behaviour to do good. But who keeps us away from people who arent doing good. Why is the comfort necessary? In fact, this comfort causes even more health problems. Do the people being comfortable actually acknowledge the comfort....And even if they do, how will it matter?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

revisiting memories

here i am back to my writing after a long break.
I had been away from my campus and felt i ll go back to my own world of my home and office only. I truly felt relieved as it was a change from the routine i had here and was happy about it.

I was on a long long vacation and there was a surprise. During the vacation i got a chance to meet a friend almost after five long years. We had been out of touch for five long years. Not that we had fought or anything. But we had just become too busy in our lives. In spite of being in same state, we did not get the time to see or even talk to each other. we talked seldom. But then we happened to meet and kept meeting during the vacation. I believe, we are in touch or contact with a person till a decided
time. Then we tend to part and the memories fade off. not that this happens on purpose, it just happens.
Do we remember everything we did when we were kids? or all the people we were pally with? but we remember only a few things tht are relevant to us. Then do we dont remember irrelevant things? we do. Is there a specific way as to which things are remembered and which are not ?
I am just wondering. but it was really good to combine things that we both remembered and shared them. I just strong feeling tht the world is small and so is our life. We keep meeting the same people and places over and over again.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

simply something

looking through my mind
i fail to understand
is the heart mine
or is it for me

silence has come
to shed the belonging
doing all the good
to keep away from myself

with a fairy asking for a ride
i decide what to shun
the love for life
or the moment of the day

come what may
it takes the same effort
to understand the heart
and to where does it belong...

Monday, April 13, 2009


i go to my old home where i used to stay during childhood. and yes i felt so good. i felt i belonged to that place. the place belonged to me. what really made me feel that the place belonged to me?
i was born there. had my first friend from there. we had played endlessly. had touched and known every single nook of the place. so we thought it belonged to us? we had a jhoola where we sat and had chivda together eating the chillies and crying over the spicyness. i have these emotions attached to that place.
then i have my grand parents calling me in to have lunch. scolding me over playing in the hot sun. their caring. the love. all this created that belongingness to that place. it was not the physical place but the people in it that made the place alive. this place is really so alive whenever i'll visit it. will i be able to find a place so much belonged elsewhere?

Thursday, April 9, 2009


i was going through the book Crafts in India edited by M.P.Ranjan and Aditi Ranjan. let me tell you this is the best book one can refer to know about the exhaustive details of crafts in India.
as i was moving through the pages, i was so fascinated by the beauty of the craft.
then something came to my mind. we love to see different kinds of motiffs in whatever craft form available and get impressed by the intricasy of the work done. what do we define the beauty as? Do we tend to judge the amount of hard work and selfless art in by just comparing between them?
the craftperson simply loves to create the form. and that love and care is showered on the viewer. on seeing the book first thought that came on seeing all the crafts was i want to posess them. I visualised my home being built from the same bamboo technique, same eternally exquisitely crafted things for decoration. why only this, i also felt i should be having the same kind of jewellery etc etc. you know how much a human mind wanders around.
But on second thoughts, do i really need all this? what is it that i ll carry back to eternity? nothing. the best thing to do would be, i can just be very happy seeing this book. it will really not make any difference to me as to what are the contents of my home or dressing table. I just need to have all this beauty within.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

acquaintance & friends

This is just what i have observed. We tend to have so many friends from the childhood. We have so many friends but a very few best friends. Do we call those friends who know all about us as the best friends? Do we tell everything to that friend because we have trust in that person? I think yes. We trust the friend and tell him/her everything ever happening in our lives.
I think its just an intrinsic property of human beings (being social animals) to try and share whatever happened in some or the other way. Blogging is just one of them. Ever experienced this? What was the first thing you spoke to your mom after you day in school? i always had this unbeatable urge to go and tell mom everything that happened. My mom used to listen patiently then.
We grow up to find some subjects which can relate to and share with friends only. maybe the references are different. Then we look for a friend who'll be the 'treasurer' of all our secrets and general rubbish also. Something that we just wanna talk and finish off.Maybe just so that the air listens to us and flowers and the wind.
Then what happens when we grow up? why arent we so open to friendship and start naming people as aquaintances? I think we then live in insecurities as to will the person use the information we just gave him/her by trusting in.
But in spite of this i have just found out that you don't tell everything to a person you trust but you trust a person more when you open up in front of him/her. And yes more importantly expect the same trust from the person. Then comes the conflict. If there is no trust coming back the communication fails and there is no friendship and concern and the contact remains as an acquaintance.
Will the world not be idealistic enough if we can have everyone as friends and not just acquaintances?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

a second chance

will life give me a second chance?
the grass
asked the dew,
when dew kissed the grass
& flowers to wind
when wind hugged the flowers

the grass withered & the flowers too
the fragrance remained
the experience cherished
for they were the moments..
never to be perished

today, bloomed are new flowers and grown is the grass,
on the verge of withering,
thinking can they really bloom again
but isnt withering, beautiful as blooming?

Monday, March 30, 2009

can people hurt you.

Yes people can hurt you only if you allow them to do so. You can be hurt only if you decide to. You can really choose your own mood. You can be happy when you want to and not when you dont want. But saying this easier.
I would like to relate to an incident that happened today. I don't drink tea and coffee and the whole class knows this. The lecturer while giving an example of his mother said, she doesnt drink tea or coffee but drinks blood. That she likes drinking blood of his. And my class roared into laughter. I noticed only people who had problems with me in the past contimued laughing. I instantly knew the reason and felt hurt. They were the people who constantly bitch about me.
Somewhere I could control my reaction to this and feel calm only because of some other learnings which suggested the first line. I can troubled only if i wish to. And this helped me keep my calm. Inner strength really made me more strong enough and i am feeling happy inspite of anything. But yes it is difficult. definitely but not impossible.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


i just completed an assignment which i had to submit long back. And i felt so relieved. I suddenly felt so happy about one task getting over.
Why do we feel relieved? what is it that happens when we get relieved. Is it that now we can stop the thought process over a chronic issue? maybe these chronic thoughts move over in our mind for so much time that we just tend to get sick of them. Then we try to find a solution which will help us stop thinking on the problem. That is where we really start analysing and finding newer and newer innovative solutions to a given problem. Then putting them down we are even more happier. But yes the ultimate point is when we communicate to someone (say by mail, talks whatever) that we get the eternal feeling of relief. We tend to feel more relived and happy by telling the whole world that i am happy..isnt it so?


this blog would just say about all that just comes to my mind.. all of a sudden.
What do you think we live for? what do we really want out of life? and then why do we ever want something?
I think we live for various experiences in life. remember when kids we would love to go to a zoo just to see the animals. go see them know their names.. tell friends.oh i ve seen a tiger..deer, and many more.. and after the whole description is over ask the friend ..ask the friend have you ever seen all that i saw today??? did the extra edge over your friend of seeing something before hand make you happy, or did you feel bad that your friend has not seen or experienced that what you just did..?
We go travelling..why? is it because we get bored out of the monotonous lifestyle we live everyday..? maybe yes. we go for an outing..enjoy with a feeling ..oh my trip will end someday..i ll have to go back to the mundane activities..but didnt you really feel relieved when you came back home.. and did a hush!! at last,I am home.
Can it be true that our life is also like a trip and we will back somewhere one day to feel better?