Dear Parent, thank you for bringing us up up-to this level. We will take it from here.
Yes, we all have that share of complaints against our parents. They have been either too strict, too lenient, too ____ (you name it). I have my own complaints. I have seen my friends having their own complaints of parents being narcissistic, parents being money minded, parents being over protective, parents being too strict... the list is unending.
Of parents being hypocrites. At times wherein Parents have actually troubled you to the core for a fling (in teen times) with someone while actually having an affair oneself. At times hitting the child every single time they were frustrated with something in their lives. Parents not being supportive like the other parents are (that again is contextual). Or parents doing too much. Taking so much care that the kid could not be independent even when 40 ! Did I hint, men here ? who are dependent on their mothers for long (especially in India). Maybe. I have seen most damsel in distress (gender agnostic) still relying on their parents for financial support! Seriously ? If you cannot make a living at this age then, when ? These are the same people who blame their parents for not giving enough financial support. Oh, Wait the classic, property or money brawl. About Siblings being getting more than you did.
Or parents loosing their patience when they had more than one kid. The elder kid being blamed for everything possible while the younger one spared. Or Vice versa. You name it & you will have some or the other complaint about your own parent.
We all have been through some impact caused by our parents. Some of us have been able to sail through. Some not. Some may be still in talking terms with them. Some may be living with their parents, Some may not be in touch.
I have seen this too. My parents were way too strict & I had a long list of no's for me while everyone else was spared. (that's what I thought). I even have a drawing with a scared girl sitting to a corner, fearing she will be hit. Coming home every single day fearing of what & why would I get hit or scolded exactly. No talking to boys (oh, that was trending then). My classmates were not allowed to call me. I always thought I had to earn love. I had to be good to get treated well enough. All this stayed with me. It did have have its own repercussions of me going through a domestic violence. Of thinking that I was not enough. But I have sailed through. Actually it was the strength I had picked through my childhood days that helped me get through it, live an ok life today. I was pushed to be the best as a child & I did act like a damsel in distress for a pretty long period, accusing my parents of it. Yes, they could have been kinder. But today, I can survive because of exactly those situations I used to complain about. I had a colleague saying, not everyone can be as independent. Oh, That's so true. One needs to built that ways. That was build during and throughout until today.
Today, I am a parent.
I know the situation is different. I am a single parent & the load, stress is way different to handle some times. (remember, it takes a village ?) I have actually made peace with a lot of the above treatment by my parents & am wanting none of those parenting styles affect my kid. Though I have sometimes seen myself go on an auto mode and replicating the same reaction that my parents gave me over something / some similar situation. Most of the times I realize when that is happening. Sometimes I know it is right even. Sometimes I realize that some reaction from my parents which felt wrong then felt right today. Sometimes I know it is wrong & I do my best to explain my reaction to my kid. It takes some time. Sometimes I am able to not replicate the parenting style.
But there's one thing that I have realized. Despite all my efforts I am not perfect. & I am not a perfect parent for sure. I do my best to give the best possible solution to my kid & my kid surprises me by being more practical & assertively skeptical. But then we learn from the environment too. We carry a few genes too. & we build our own conscience system too.
Sometimes it comes to my mind, my parents were & are also like me. Imperfect. But that did help me being me. We may have our complaints, but I think its time we let go of the mistakes that our parents may have done when we were little.
May be find a different way of parenting. Maybe correct a little for the coming generation.
& yet not be perfect.
We all err. Right ?
(there's no occasion for this post, but looks like covid did bring in a creator's block for a pretty good amount of time - this topic was manifesting itself in my mind for a very long time)
