Thursday, December 26, 2013

I finally have recognised my dream job - of being a Santa :)

We had this 'Secret Santa' program going on in the office for a week. It was wonderful - No- not because i got gifts, but because I could give a lot. And every time I imagined what would my 'kid' like - everyone picked a chit  to get a kid and a santa as well.
I went to extent of researching what were her likes - dislikes. What could be the things that she would never get for herself and things similar. At times I even made handmade stuff for her. it felt great. The very fact that i am able to make some happy felt great ..
It felt wonderful to pamper.. Yes I know somewhere I love this concept. that is also the reason why, may be I want to be pampered and happy hence I want to see everyone around me to be pampered and happy ..
And what if I can do that to everyone..
What if I can be the Santa, what If I had all the resources to do the same?
I think I will the happiest person on earth.. I am so sure of it..

Saturday, November 30, 2013

The lovely month of December

Random Surfing, and suddenly the clock turns 00:00 and its 1st december..
This day would always make me feel special, with counting days towards to my birthday, the 13 th from today.  A little delving into today, tomorrow and yesterday.. childhood, when I awaited this month, that day since it used be the most special day in my life for the whole year. It would actually set in butterflies in my tummy :)
When I used to treated really well by my family, cake, flowers, new dress, and no scoldings on that day, that was the vanilla topping to it all.. I used to start planning as to what will I wear to school, (only civil dress day). And how will I convince Mom to please not make me wear 2 plaits to school  and let me let my hair open. It is so funny that my I had a short haircut then, and i used to still be wanting to let them open. I am sure whether open or tied would not make a lot of difference. Give chocolates to the whole class, and people wishing in happy birthday to get in more chocolates, going to each class like a celebrity. Walk in the other classes and tell that teacher - it is my birthday. As if she did not understand through me frilly dress... It seems so funny today..
Last time when I finished three decades of my life, I had felt bad, that I did not do a lot of things in my life. There were so many things that i can t do now, Oh, God I am at the mid- life crisis and all that.
I had taken so many things for granted.. that so many things will last forever, my Mom, my clear skin, my husband's love, my surroundings, that I would be able to go for my lovely morning walk everyday, come what may and what not, that I will become thin and more wonderful one day.. God this I am trying kabse. :)
And my doc tells me ok this has been so and will be so .. you will have to struggle a lot.. :)
And then there are so many people around whom i see get things easily.. And i used to feel bad that this is not the case with me..
But I think on today's I am feeling otherwise. I want to live this life, not like I am going to die tomorrow and I have'nt got a lot of things, desires whatever, but as I am gonna live, make the best of what I have I have just got selected as  the Global Ambassador of Design with the Interaction Design foundation..Give a lot to the society, to everyone around me (there are still a couple of people whom i hate madly) but what is important is the number has reduced drastically, I can probably now handle things (no, I am not an expert yet, may be I will b one the day I die). But Yes I can now find solutions to the so called never ending problems in my life. Now whether they work or not is not important.
I am not sure that the gifts, the cake that I get would be of the same emotional value this birthday too, (but i will still like to get gifts :P ). things have become predictable - like u know u will cut a cake, somewhere if not at home, someone will get it for u with all the love, it will feel great.special.. I always feel i want to be every person who loves me on that day.. but that day is so so very short...
But this time I wanna do something more, help someone achieve his/ her dream. Basically I wanna be there for someone, when he / she does not have anyone around.. It is such a human thing to expect to be understood and not understand in return. i want to do that this time. I want to understand and let go if someone does not understand.. Now that's a task. I hope I achieve it.
That will be immense happiness. mixed feelings right now.. But more and more positive..Optimistic I always was and will be forever.. (Gosh I don't want the mature tag to be attached to me..)

Monday, November 25, 2013

adaptation / copying / learning - Art

One of my friends is a wonderful illustrator. She illustrates these little wedding cards for friends. She has this implicit style which is very simple, but a very perfectly illustrated with a burlap textured background. She shares this across on the social platforms.
It just happened that another friend of mine is getting married and she just published a very similar wedding card on her profile. On the preview of it it might seem like it has been done by the first friend, while looking in details I found out that it was more like a copy.
Looking at the fact that the second wedding invitation was done by a person who did not have a fomal design education, it is a good effort. But looking at it from the perspective of the expert, it was a copy.
Here's the dilemma, there is no such thing that is copy. everything is an inspiration, and there is nothing original for that matter and everything is adapted from somewhere. what was strikingly similar here was the the background which was so similarly packaged.
Infact my college principal had also taught us, that we learn by copying the masters. In fact we learn to walk through copying other people walking around.. then develop our own distinctive style to walk. same with the case of talking and various things around.
And then there is this dearth for awareness of design since everyone feels he or she can draw. Yes they can but there is some reason why a person who has studied design for 6 whole years has a finese that the other person won't.
I wonder at such point there should be appreciation to the person who is an expert - has now become a master, that people have started imitating her or the otehr one who has tried to get there and make absolutely similar effort?
It just came to my mind that both are equally good at the efforts and there should mutual respect where the person who copied should acknowldge her as 'got inspiration from'. that's my view though. absolutely personal. 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

my little one's little pair of wings..

Yes, she is three now. my little one. I wonder who is more attached, me or she?
We had been to this naming ceremony yesterday. She was around with me, when she saw the baby's cradle, who was to be named, she went up the stairs on her own and went and sang for the little baby. there were other women singing in too, but they were all above their sixties. And here she stood as tiny as little and sang to the baby.
Today she was all set to go a birthday party on her own. I dropped her to the door. Post that she went in, sat comfortably. Being the kind of mother I am, I just peeped to find out if she was ok. And she was..

It kinda gives me a mixed feeling, that she is getting more and more independant, but would that mean she will get detached.
I dont want to think so at this moment. I want her to be with me, from wherever she is since now she will start growing. Flying with her own wings, enjoying. But somewhere I want to see her doing that. It is simply wonderful :)

Thursday, October 10, 2013

the new car. and so many things'

Yes I got a new car!!!
And it is so good to be in it everyday. Its just 2 days that i got it to office. I feel fresh when i am in office and not dead tired. I can be more fresher, more receptive at work.
I am still fresh when I reach home. It is much better than the 2 wheeler 37 km drive one way.
Yay!! that should be my reaction, isnt it?

But then look at it properly, it is a new loan, what is the need for you to get a car?.
I met People saying, 'You got a car for yourself?' reinstating', for you to drive in to office? your husband got it for you? where did u find all the cash from?
Why can't a woman get a car for herself, so that she is comfortable to come to office, especially if the office is a 70 km to and fro on the 2 wheeler? Why cant she take a loan on her own? why cant she simply think of taking care of herself now so that she can be for the family for more hours more fresh hence more qualitative hours? Why cant she think of making her car as the family car.
I wonder if the same questions are asked to a guy if he buys a car.. Did u buy a car to come to office on your own, or is it a family car? Did your wife fund it? Did your dad get it for you? DO you know how to drive. Will you be able to ?
I wonder if people really felt the same when i got the 2 wheeler a couple of years back. Why this fuss? It is just another vehicle, used for transportation.
I found it so difficult to find a female colleague who drove a 2 wheeler to that distance once when i had lost my activa keys. Because in fact there was none. Same is the case of me trying to find someone who comes in her car from that far.
It just comes to my mind, that this is the thinking which has been around for years and will take years to change. Maybe I am going to be one of the pioneers to the change. I am sure there are many with me, but the number is still lesser than the aam janta who still thinks otherwise.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

understanding and getting understood.

I tried this out the other day on a friend. I said, when are you..
And I expected her to complete it. I wanted to find out, if she really could understand, what was going on in my mind, and what was it that I was wanting to say. given the fact that we are wonderful friends and share a lot of things to each other.
She tried to guess, everything.. that she could. And this very basic truth is what i thought about at that time.
NO-ONE can understand what is happening in the other person's mind, all that a person can read is through study, or guess work or intuition.
So this very thinking that someone should understand me irrerspective is so wrong. It is such a mad expectation.
This is a very basic thought but its application is definitely difficult. I think it is just human to expect, give and TRY to understand while knowing the fact that understanding completely or getting understood is not possible ever.

Saturday, June 15, 2013


How does one fall in love? is a billion dollar question with no specific answer.
I just felt even more important is how does become friends with someone. How can the friendship then be irreplaceable? what is it that makes us so open in friendship in front of the other person, that we almost are vulnerable? And then do we really care if someone really takes advantage of that vulnerability?
I was travelling back with a relatively newly made friend the other day, and she was actually saying a few lines which were so similar to what I thought. I almost felt like she was reading my mind. We generally travel across, and she is asked to talk, since I am driving and hence cannot talk/ talking is futile, since she cannot hear me due to the speed.
She was speaking out my mind. And I was simply nodding. I suddenly found out, that all the philosophy that I have was we have.
It just felt wonderful, that without much effort my thoughts were being expressed. the best part was I did not have to speak. And even better was I was sharing with a person who was a reflection, (one of my teachers does say, that we tend to friends with our reflections in attitude/ someone we can identify or be easy with) But here things were different. We became friends gradually. I remember she hardly spoke in the early days of us travelling together.
It just came to my mind, that are we friends because we share the same thoughts, or do start sharing the same thought because we are friends?
No, I don't want to answer it. I simply love the serendipity around..

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Taking for granted

this is another emotion that flows in emotions to friendships, relationships.
This is a hard fact that we truly take up everyone around us for granted, whether we decide or not. I m not sure if we do it on purpose. I think it just happens.
I have a friend of mine, who was shifted to my town a few years back. in these years we hardly met. could be a ratio of 1 meeting per 2 years or something similar. Which is a super scarce ratio. We hardly spoke to each other on the phone.
Each of us was so busy, In work, home, little ones.. whatever.. the reasons are not important.
It was a couple of months back when we even knew that the friend is getting transferred. I know not to some France or Portugal but here within the state. we again took this for granted. Our meeting plans which were being planned from around a year and half ago just kept getting postponed. We simply took time for granted. We felt we are just here in the same city. we can meet anytime around.
and funnily enough we met just a day before the friend left. for around 20 min. And then there
was this mixed feeling of yearning for some time together..With a heart full of sadness and anxiety whether we will be able to meet again.
Just an incident that went along with this was another friend of mine who came to my city to only meet me on the day, I was simply sad about the earlier friend leaving. All i could give her was some time of mine and my lil one along with.
I think this a stark reality that we can b with a person for some time, and then the person kinda disappears from our lives physically. Not to forget the fact that all memories are intact in the mind always. but the yearning to that specific person in life remains.
This is similar to taking our relations for granted too. Little do we know about the time when time takes your near and dear one away. And you suddenly only remember the last time you have seen her alive. In my case, its my mom.

I think there could be one suggestive solution to this. Being 100 percent with the person we are with at the moment. We cannot really control time, the other person's wishes, (what if its just u who has a stronger feeling to meet up and have fun, and the other person is busy, or vice versa for that matter). And being optimistic of sometime when you can be with long lost friends. (I know this concept does'nt really hold true since there are so many platform one can be in touch on)

It just comes to my mind, that maybe more than people we take time for granted, their time.. is there a solution to this.. i think all this will just flow on and on.. and u keep meeting people for the stipulated amount if time they ought be in :) 

Friday, June 7, 2013

Priority and friendship

yes Priorities change. they do.
After u graduate, after u get married, after u get a kid, I still have to go ahead..
there is a lot that takes space in your life. it takes away a lot of time.

then suddenly your friends who were ur priority are sidelined. Then you ought to do what you need to do. You need to keep things away. at bay, could b friendships, emotions, whatever. I know now - a days it is easy to friends be so, since there is facebook.

Can you imagine a friend who is just on your phone contacts and no where else? like not on Fb, linked in, wherever. yes there can be one. But  the physical meetings with friends are becoming a long lost thing in world. You meet your office friends everyday, and yeah there too. even you are a friend in case you are busy you hardly move out to go ahead to meet your who is probably in say 2 bay's away.

And then I wonder how it goes. when you really meet one physically, the talking becomes so less. so very less. All you do is talk about or in fact not talk about a lot of things. like you did earlier.

It just came to my mind, today we are at least in the lucky lot of people who are able to find the long lost ones, and not like those in the old movies wherein we met our long last friends by chance.. the serendipity value has reduced so very much now - a days. 


The other day I was dropping my little one to the creche, she got in, flew a kissie to me and then went in side and started playing.
there was a little boy, a lot more older to her, who was crying maybe because it was his one of the primary days to the creche. He was crying as my little one used in her earlier days. but the fact that he was much more older made it feel worse.
I was wondering, if what was it that made them cry. the fact that they are away from their loved ones for the whole day, yes. I felt bad when I left my mom, I dont remeber since i was just 5 months then. But post that i never cried, I was ok with the fact that i was attending the school willing. And that mom was not with me. But I remember, I had a friend in the upper kindergarten who use to cry everyday :) in fact everyday :)

This creche thing just reminded me of me not crying when my loved ones seperated from me. I never felt like, because i was used to them not being around. Yes I did cry when my Mom passed away, I am not sure if this is an ideal condition, and whether this should be the case. I do not know. that did not mean that there was no love, but then there was no taking granted either.

But this is probably inevitable for my kid, since i need to provide for her by working.
it just came to my mind, that it is the habit that works, emotions work too, but then they fade off slowly slowly. And they do not get wiped off. they do come back, when it is the time too. My daughter would feel the same that I did one day. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

the traffic jam a wonderful comparison to life

these days i drive(ride) to my office. it take around an hour of a ride. it is exhausting but full of surprises and wonderful thoughts, analysis and much more. All going on in my mind.
I was going to office yesterday, and I was caught by huge traffic. Traffic actually gets us thinking, should i be following the path that everyone else is doing? or should i take the sideways since i have a two wheeler? isn't life same too, should I be going the path that's taken, so that i reach a known destination, or should i take the riskier path where in I never know what lies ahead. 
And then there is always a little path wherein you can get in the mainstream again. and get into the same traffic trying to wade in to the traffic. 
and then there are times when u cannot see things ahead. does this seem familiar - a little too much familiar. so many times in life, when we don't know what's gonna be the ultimate destination. and so many times, we feel we are so much away from the destination while there is a just a little truck of a big vehicle in between us reaching there. 
there is one more peculiar thing that comes to my mind. if I go within the little space left in the rows of the 4 wheeler vehicles  that could also help me speed up to reach, instead of the shortcut that everyone take by going to the sides. very few people take up this path. It works most of the times. But sometimes, there comes a dead end when there is no space left. Isn't life the same, we sometimes pick up a few things intuitively which work and they might not work for some 10 percent times. 

All this really made me think. Is it not wonderful to simply enjoy the ride, like a friend of mine, gati does or enjoy the speed like i do. I think enjoying the moment is what is important, because what is going to happen is going to happen, come what may. 
It just comes to my mind, that then at times, we should also enjoy the hurdles in life, just like this traffic. enjoy, ride on and on and some day there will be a destination or maybe not. and that should be ok. the ride was wonderful - is waht i would love to say at the end of my life :)