Saturday, November 30, 2013

The lovely month of December

Random Surfing, and suddenly the clock turns 00:00 and its 1st december..
This day would always make me feel special, with counting days towards to my birthday, the 13 th from today.  A little delving into today, tomorrow and yesterday.. childhood, when I awaited this month, that day since it used be the most special day in my life for the whole year. It would actually set in butterflies in my tummy :)
When I used to treated really well by my family, cake, flowers, new dress, and no scoldings on that day, that was the vanilla topping to it all.. I used to start planning as to what will I wear to school, (only civil dress day). And how will I convince Mom to please not make me wear 2 plaits to school  and let me let my hair open. It is so funny that my I had a short haircut then, and i used to still be wanting to let them open. I am sure whether open or tied would not make a lot of difference. Give chocolates to the whole class, and people wishing in happy birthday to get in more chocolates, going to each class like a celebrity. Walk in the other classes and tell that teacher - it is my birthday. As if she did not understand through me frilly dress... It seems so funny today..
Last time when I finished three decades of my life, I had felt bad, that I did not do a lot of things in my life. There were so many things that i can t do now, Oh, God I am at the mid- life crisis and all that.
I had taken so many things for granted.. that so many things will last forever, my Mom, my clear skin, my husband's love, my surroundings, that I would be able to go for my lovely morning walk everyday, come what may and what not, that I will become thin and more wonderful one day.. God this I am trying kabse. :)
And my doc tells me ok this has been so and will be so .. you will have to struggle a lot.. :)
And then there are so many people around whom i see get things easily.. And i used to feel bad that this is not the case with me..
But I think on today's I am feeling otherwise. I want to live this life, not like I am going to die tomorrow and I have'nt got a lot of things, desires whatever, but as I am gonna live, make the best of what I have I have just got selected as  the Global Ambassador of Design with the Interaction Design foundation..Give a lot to the society, to everyone around me (there are still a couple of people whom i hate madly) but what is important is the number has reduced drastically, I can probably now handle things (no, I am not an expert yet, may be I will b one the day I die). But Yes I can now find solutions to the so called never ending problems in my life. Now whether they work or not is not important.
I am not sure that the gifts, the cake that I get would be of the same emotional value this birthday too, (but i will still like to get gifts :P ). things have become predictable - like u know u will cut a cake, somewhere if not at home, someone will get it for u with all the love, it will feel great.special.. I always feel i want to be every person who loves me on that day.. but that day is so so very short...
But this time I wanna do something more, help someone achieve his/ her dream. Basically I wanna be there for someone, when he / she does not have anyone around.. It is such a human thing to expect to be understood and not understand in return. i want to do that this time. I want to understand and let go if someone does not understand.. Now that's a task. I hope I achieve it.
That will be immense happiness. mixed feelings right now.. But more and more positive..Optimistic I always was and will be forever.. (Gosh I don't want the mature tag to be attached to me..)

1 comment:

  1. Lol. .. hope you get lots of cakes and gifts... on ur birthday .....and may u achieve the task u set for urself this b'day. :)