Some concern & so much love.

 Out of nowhere, Atul (works with WUD) came to teach Saee how to cycle. 

I am just more than indebt. Because whether the world understands or not, it is truly difficult taking care of a teenager kid. It is so difficult to convince on what is good and what is bad to her. I have been trying my best to simply get her to learn cycle. learn a few more life skills. 

I understand if that happens with me doing it then she will do it. But I cannot do everything anymore. Somewhere I think my energy is minimum. It is difficult to be there., 

Somehow it feels like my life is ending too. That for another blog. 

But yes, Atul came. He taught her cycling. No. Saee was adamant and told him, Atul mama, I dont want to learn how to cycle. He was so patient. So ego-less, so caring towards my child. More patient than what I am. No dont want to give reasons for the patient factor. I know it is wrong to not be patient. 

So lovingly he convinced my lil one to learn. She agreed. But her being my daughter as strong, didnt sit on the cycle until he taught her how to drive a car !! 

he also gave his car to her. And I wept sitting behind both of them. At a time, I could not breathe and got out to get some air. For so many reasons. That lil baby whom I was taking care of for so many years by me. She is now grown up enough to drive. She has been helped by someone else other than me to learn (of course besides the teachers). She has grown up in this University & people have truly helped. I have also asked for help shamelessly. 

A big thank you, Atul 

Freedom to get ready. Sometimes.

 Well, I think I overdid getting ready today. 

I wanted to wear a silk saree because its cold & North India allows Silk only during cold. I have very few sarees that may be celebratory or to be worn in Weddings / Diwali. Most of them are daily functional wear. Simple with no metal wire weave in them. Basic, simple cottons. 

As far as I remember n know, objectification of women was a taboo in my house due to the communist thoughts and reading by my father. I must say, those communist thoughts of equality & liberty have helped me grow personally & professionally. 

But what was missed out was expression of self, as one would want. To dress up. Get ready. 

& somehow being simple is the only thing that is and was followed for everyday. That has become the grind anyways. Get up get ready, wear something presentable. wear everyday accessories or jewelry and run to work. Finish the house tasks before and after work. Run, keep running. 

Whenever there is a time to go to a wedding me being the driver & also because I give preference to getting my little one ready first, arrange and organize the tiffin, water bottle, extra dress etc. Then somehow do myself and go to the wedding with the bags that I carry for that. No, my kids not a toddler anymore. Yet. Habits. But then, habits. Asking if its ok if I wear this. Is it ok if I do this. Although I know this is simple enough. 

We happen to buy the fineries but in our daily worker - life, we are not able to wear them ever. Let alone body-image issues of being an ok size for the photos etc. Well today, selfie may not be great. But I felt beautiful within. 

But today, I felt freedom. In dressing up. In wearing what I wanted to wear. Accessories. flowers in my hair and whatever. I felt the freedom to not having to ask anyone's opinion / follow the rules of the family. It felt good. Liberated. 

Owing to the daily grind that we or our family go through if we are able to buy the fineries that maybe only the yesteryear select-few could own, we worker class people don't happen to get to use them. And waiting for a special day for your fineries just keeps them in the cupboard I don't until when.