I told her, why did'nt you just hug him and ask him to stay ?
She said, I did. I did hug him. i told him. We will sort everything out. Lets be ok. He left. despite that he left. He wanted to. after a whole 15 years, someone asked me a similar question. why did'nt you try to stay. why did'nt you just bear with it. keep it going ?
I did'nt feel the need to explain to her. She did'nt even know my life. but she was genuinely concerned, or she looked so. I told her, i could not. I could not have taken what was happening any longer. I tried doing that for the kid.
He said he loved me. I saw it in his eyes. sometimes. in fact very few times. or maybe i was delusional. or it lasted for a very little time.
then where did it go ? that was something tht got lost. oh. so many years to it now.
There is seriously no going back to what it was. never. things did'nt work. yes, i made peace with it.
World did'nt. anyways.
Suddenly a new life. for some reason, she looked younger to the new set of people. trust me they did not know her. clearly she was overestimating my popularity ? she did think everyone knew who she was. she wrote so much. or maybe she didnt. she had stopped being on socials. she wanted to keep it low. talking wise she think she had already gone a little too low to not talk to adults / people her age. she spoke to little kids because of her dedication to the lil ones due to the doting parent structure, colleagues. rarely friends. everyone go busy in their lives. actually she stopped yearning for help to anyone. she had stopped connecting too. was gone far-a-way. living for her kid. the teen years. so much go through all alone. she tried. she tried wanting to make friends. no not really reaching there.
this new life. this one person actually did a couple of truly small gestures - very simple ones. walking her to the office. getting tickets for her for a great show. no one did that ever. May be just a lonely soul. No, she did'nt lead anyone on. it was refreshing to someone actually liking her for no reason at all. she didnt think it was calculated at all. oh and she definitely dint know if that was the current shipping start. some affection she deserved. why not. no answers to that yeah. kucch bhi.
& unfortunately everything just opened up. nothing was right, it never was. possibly never will be. that little share of affection got lost. the moment everything opened out. there was a huge age gap, social gap & we dont even know what all gaps exist. they will never concede unless the last so many years were just erased and she could simply be someone who existed earlier. to have someone who kinda liked her for no reason at all. life kinda gave a very mini small window for companionship & took it away. The affectionate person felt deceived. not because of her. but because of the reality she was in.
Lost again.
Don't know where it went. All the affection.
Things get lost. We never know.
anyways. life.
