Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I just remembered I used to be very independent enough to live on my own terms

I kept asking God, Why me. Why all the trouble to me at such turbulent time, when I was physically weak due to baby birth, pregnancy whatever. Or I simply got used to the help offered by everyone when I was pregnant.
And then at the same time I was also more linked to people who were very much pampered in their lives. Be it home, in laws, hubby, wherever. At least it looked like they were super pampered in their FB statuses and photos.
I started expecting the same from my own surroundings.I started expecting help, chivalry and what not from the people around me.And that made me weaker psychologically than I really was physically. Off course I have gone weak due to the baby. But the psychological weakness had added in.If I was 80% physically weak, I added the remaining 20 % psychologically to it.
I just had an accident yesterday. A car dashed in, it was a very crowded signal area. And my activa fell from my hands. I did not get hurt. But what really hurt me was that I was not able to pick up my Activa. No one really helped me to pick it up either. Off course because they were all busy wading off the signal. And why would they.
This just made me realize, I used to much much stronger enough before. To the extent of not asking or not needing help at all. In fact the situation was completely opposite. I used help rather. in whatever, physical or psychological problem. It would be a little exaggerated statement if I say, I was self dependent and hence independent. I had suddenly started expecting help instead. How on earth would people understand that I needed help. Even if I do tell them, people were not used to helping me around, instead they relied on me. And I think this was the greatest mistake I did not make on purpose, but which happened. Thank god I realized it.
And sometimes it just comes to my mind. Yes I have live a very tough independent life.I just remembered I used to be very independent enough to live on my own terms, make my own mistakes, learn from them. But some day, I am gonna be reduced to one physically weak person, some day. I should still be able to pick myself up then too. I should realize that it is not good expect anything from anyone. I pray I should have all the power to remain independent through life. 

No comments:

Post a Comment