Well, no one absolutely no one had asked this question to me before.
Looks like either I have been saying a lot of Yes' s in my life or have been forced to or manipulated into yes's forever. No one, my parents also knew that I was easier to be forced on with decisions rather than giving a choice.
A normal work day in office. Being the Dean, more of a care-taking position there are so many times that I need to say no. Although I try my best to work around situations empathetically. I have seen a lot of life - good bad both in a relatively lesser span of years in total. That has resulted in me being compassionate and extremely strong. I have always been very sensitive though. My heart still bearts, weeps despite it being converted to a tough stone. It is still very difficult to say no. And even more difficult to say no with a manipulative beat around the bush strategy. I cannot be manipulative enough to sweetly roll around words and not even let people understand that they have been said no to and have been calculated into. Those calculations hurt later and I do not appreciate being done that. Hence I do not do it to anyone. I am straight forward, brutally true in my approach.
That is also the reason why no one really cared to ask.
Ok, the other day, I happen to say No to almost everyone who came to my cabin, since I didn't want to set a wrong precedent. I felt so bad within. I do have that lub dub within the stone that has happened to happen.
This really soft spoken & soft hearted colleague of mine Gautam, came along and actually asked this question. So that I would say yes to one of the students wishes.
And I thought no one really cared to ask. What is it that I want. How will I say yes. Is there something, some desire, some thing that would bend me to say yes. nothing. I found nothing.
I thought at that moment, maybe it was not as important ever to anyone in my life else before. People always found their way out. And I kept looking at them with those huge rabbitty eyes of mine, wishing maybe they understood, what I wanted to say, but have always been mis-interpreted. It is so easy to hate people who maintain their strength in public and NOT a damsel in distress.
Anyways, I am glad, at least someone asked this, in whatever context it is right now.
This question left me weeping in my cabin, thinking would life had been different if absolutely anyone whom I cared so much for asked this to me ? And had I been nagging enough to ask and say what I wanted from everyone around ?
hm, maybe next time.
Looks like either I have been saying a lot of Yes' s in my life or have been forced to or manipulated into yes's forever. No one, my parents also knew that I was easier to be forced on with decisions rather than giving a choice.
A normal work day in office. Being the Dean, more of a care-taking position there are so many times that I need to say no. Although I try my best to work around situations empathetically. I have seen a lot of life - good bad both in a relatively lesser span of years in total. That has resulted in me being compassionate and extremely strong. I have always been very sensitive though. My heart still bearts, weeps despite it being converted to a tough stone. It is still very difficult to say no. And even more difficult to say no with a manipulative beat around the bush strategy. I cannot be manipulative enough to sweetly roll around words and not even let people understand that they have been said no to and have been calculated into. Those calculations hurt later and I do not appreciate being done that. Hence I do not do it to anyone. I am straight forward, brutally true in my approach.
That is also the reason why no one really cared to ask.
Ok, the other day, I happen to say No to almost everyone who came to my cabin, since I didn't want to set a wrong precedent. I felt so bad within. I do have that lub dub within the stone that has happened to happen.
This really soft spoken & soft hearted colleague of mine Gautam, came along and actually asked this question. So that I would say yes to one of the students wishes.
And I thought no one really cared to ask. What is it that I want. How will I say yes. Is there something, some desire, some thing that would bend me to say yes. nothing. I found nothing.
I thought at that moment, maybe it was not as important ever to anyone in my life else before. People always found their way out. And I kept looking at them with those huge rabbitty eyes of mine, wishing maybe they understood, what I wanted to say, but have always been mis-interpreted. It is so easy to hate people who maintain their strength in public and NOT a damsel in distress.
Anyways, I am glad, at least someone asked this, in whatever context it is right now.
This question left me weeping in my cabin, thinking would life had been different if absolutely anyone whom I cared so much for asked this to me ? And had I been nagging enough to ask and say what I wanted from everyone around ?
hm, maybe next time.
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