Baggage towards everyone around us!

Baggage!

We shed one baggage and gather another. There are times, when we believe we can do something. Our mind says so. Our heart says so. And it does not happen. Because the world does not believe so. 

We think we can get into a college. But we could not. We think I could have been someone, but I stepped down for someone. I wanted to be the prime minister of India, but then I got married, :P funny enough, my Dad keeps saying this. :) 

The literal meaning of Baggage is - past experiences or long-held attitudes perceived as burdensome encumbrances. 

The past experiences which create so much of a burden on ourselves. 

Because we could not achieve something, we tend to see the reasons why we could not. We tend to think on why could we not get something. We wail, not cry over it. Then, after looking into what we could have done, we look into what someone else could have done something for us in that regards. 

And mostly parents are to be blamed. I had a baggage towards my late mom. I do have some for my Dad as yet. 

But I have learnt something after she passed away. The baggage goes away all by itself. It disappeared. It went with her. That space in my mind was filled by her memories. (of the ones that I did not have too, i.e. of the moments that I had imagined, and were not). All that she reminds me of or I want to be reminded about her is the love that she could give me. Here in could give is very important. I always wanted more from her. Like any other little kid, I wanted her for myself. When kids, we do not tend to understand that other roles that she was in then. We feel as kids that she is my mom and she better be available for myself and only myself. I had this baggage and tried to keep getting attention from her. 

But today, when I look at my kid, I can see the same desire in her. 
Today I understand, why could my mom not be with me. Today I understand, she had a lot of things to cater to when being her, the mom, because I am a mom. Today I understand, how difficult it would have been to her when saying a simple no to me so that I become independent and do the task myself. Be it not paying my college fees then.

Hence I have forgiven my Dad, for his part of baggage. And others too. 

All said done, now what ? Baggage forgiven is good, but the consequences of those actions remain. Those actions that we as individuals performed as a reaction to the Baggage. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Those actions result into some really irreversible mistakes in life. What about them. 

No I do not have an answer in this blog. I am looking for one. 

Ending with a small note written by a friend : 

kwahishe toh chhoti chhoti thi, poori na hui toh badi lagne lagi. 

This means, sometimes our wishes are really small. They become big (BIG) when they are not fulfilled. 

Sometimes in my mind, I feel baggage should thrown away asap, but then we realize it is a baggage only after it is too late and has started haunting us already. Nevertheless, better late than never! 

to mingle or not to mingle

I had been to my daughter's gathering recently.
There were these little tiny tots dancing to the tunes of all the new 'kinda' item number songs.
with the new rules that are set in, all the the little ones were dancing to the tunes. My daughter's dance was on a the song shubharambh from Kai po che. Until the gathering, my daughter kept singing it as she heard it and confirming that yes this is the song, and these are the wordings. She was extremely confident in spite of being wrong. In fact she did not care to be right. She was happy!

During the actual gathering there were many little ones who danced in their own tune. They did not necessarily follow the sequence, the regime that the teacher must have given to them. They seemed absolutely happy in doing this. The parents were also happy, spotting their little one - aaah there is my little one!! she is the one, he is the one!! See how is he dancing. she is looking so cute!

It came to my mind, is it really necessary for these kids to fall in rut of being compliant to society's norms? Of following something, someone and fit into that person's criteria for perfection ?
Why cant one simply be happy in being!!

I am sure there is no one who is. everyone must have complied to someone for some reason. Finding perfection through rules set by someone else and not self!

where there would be no end at all ?

I was watching friends - the part wherein Phoebes discovered that her mom kept all the bad endings of the films that she watched and she felt that all the movies were really happy movies. A thought came to my mind. Would it really be good if no one actually sees the end?
Is it not a truth that a person who dies would probably not feel that it is an end at all.
This incident that happened near Pune - at Malin. a whole complete village simply disappeared due to landslide and so many people are simply crushed uderneath. Wonder if the rescue operation which off course is working in 2000 % of optimism would lead to anyone alive at all. Wonder if the rollers / cranes that are moving over the surface are actually crushing people more.
Wonder what the people must have faced. It must have been a gush of end coming closer ?
whether good or bad will be the prerogative of the people alive. Of the people who live. Suffering, the end would only come if there is life to experience it. Would it be a possibility with the dead ?
The Malin incident actually makes me feel, two things actually. 1. it is un-predictive of life to take us anywhere anytime. One can really not make a statement that i have something/ someone forever.
2. And we are still fortunate to be alive to see the suffering. to feel it.
And sometimes it just comes to my mind - Time is either going to heal or create a septic wound, and break away eventually.
How can life be simply rosy. The complete picture must always be visible. And then these times will also move and life with it too. One or the other day, little little worlds will end.  

smile please

I was driving back home and half way through I saw 3 people standing with placards - please smile / smile and returning a smile with it.
It was nice and pleasant. I did smile. I wonder if i would have done that had I been not in the mood to.
Off course the smile please placards did build up my mood. I smiled and the person in front of me did the same. That was really  nice.
It really feels nice.

the internal volcano..

Being with oneself during a crisis is an extremely difficult and challenging thing probably.
A little unrest and you feel the need of someone to be with you. and then you are left with the option of being with a friend that you trust the most. and there are times that this friend does not really understand the context of what is the situation. Could be because the situation is from another context, the friend belongs to another context another situation.
the friend can understand ur state, but not the context.
I think at such times, its best to be with yourself. just be with urself.. but then it becomes a trouble if you are not introvert enough to keep things with you. And then there is fuming inside.. the volcano wants to erupt. it does not. and then there must be something within that's gonna pacify this volcano..
this needs a lot of strength, a lots of comfort with self - being comfortable with the volcano. being there not suppressing the volcano but pacifying it almost with a chemical..
this inner self probably needs to be the strong solitude of that will deactivate the volcano..get rid of that situation.. and yes as right ly said by a friend it is not a problem a situation u need to deal with..
If one can diffuse this volcano within, the fuming can be avoided. its repercussions can be avoided.
it just comes to my mind, at such times, the diffusing can be so difficult. keeping working towards it is so much essential, especially if there are situation that bring in such volcanoes everyday.

a mother's got lots to do..

I was driving back home with my daughter yesterday. She loves to talk to my friends through phone. I connected her to a friend of mine, who is just married. WE somehow could not get through due to range problems. i tried to explain this to my daughter, by telling her that its ok, she must be really busy. She must be having a lot to do.
As an instant reaction, she said, is she a mom too ?
That made me feel so good and satisfied over all that I do. It is so wonderful to see that my little one has grown up enough to understand that her mother has a lot to do and does a lot too :)

that feels good :)

Just reminds me of my mother who would do a lot too :) 

I finally have recognised my dream job - of being a Santa :)

We had this 'Secret Santa' program going on in the office for a week. It was wonderful - No- not because i got gifts, but because I could give a lot. And every time I imagined what would my 'kid' like - everyone picked a chit  to get a kid and a santa as well.
I went to extent of researching what were her likes - dislikes. What could be the things that she would never get for herself and things similar. At times I even made handmade stuff for her. it felt great. The very fact that i am able to make some happy felt great ..
It felt wonderful to pamper.. Yes I know somewhere I love this concept. that is also the reason why, may be I want to be pampered and happy hence I want to see everyone around me to be pampered and happy ..
And what if I can do that to everyone..
What if I can be the Santa, what If I had all the resources to do the same?
I think I will the happiest person on earth.. I am so sure of it..